Nobody Like You

I Forgot About Tinder Girl

Yeju

Being back home has never felt so depressing.

I expected the mood in the house to sour after my parents' separation, but this gloominess has nothing to do with their divorce. It's funny how that—and the rest of the drama that transpired last summer—used to infect every part of my mind but is now the furthest from it.

Instead, all I can think of is Lia. And how we are probably on a break. Maybe. We didn't talk about it, not really.

To be fair, we didn't have the time. After I called Mom and briefly described the situation to her, she convinced me to come back home. Well, 'convince' is a kind way to put it—she essentially forced me to come back by booking a red-eye flight for me for that night. I don't even want to know how expensive the last-minute ticket was. I spent my last afternoon in the apartment packing while Lia slept in her room.

And now, I am back in my childhood bedroom, jet-lagged and exhausted.

Collapsing on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling. It's so different from the ceiling in Lia's room. Without the soft glow from the fairy lights, everything looks... harsher. Grimmer. I never realized ceilings can be this different.

A yawn brings tears to my eyes. It's almost afternoon for me but still early morning for Lia. I wonder if she is awake. She is usually an early riser.

I roll onto my side. Sleep calls for me, but I have to ignore it. I have to write my thesis. After all, that's the whole point of being here—to be in a familiar, quiet location away from any drama so I can finish my last task as a Ph.D. student as soon as possible.

But I guess physically being away from the apartment does not take my mind off Lia and everything that happened between us. My mind whirs again, and I plant my face into my pillow.

I thought our relationship was going great, but it turns out it... wasn't. Lia was hiding her frustrations, hiding all the things I'd done that she hated. Why didn't she tell me how she felt? Am I so unapproachable? Well, yeah, I am a rather unapproachable person but not towards Lia. Not really...

I groan. Am I that much of a failure at relationships?

My phone buzzes. It's Yuna, apologizing for Gabby's slip-up yesterday. I let out a huff of annoyance. I should've known—of course Yuna would tell her best friends about her ex's new girlfriend, and of course Gabby would spill about it. No secrets last, especially not with that trio of friends.

As I swipe away from her message, my eyes are drawn toward Lia's message thread below Yuna's. The picture next to her name still makes me smile. A few weeks ago, she took a selfie and set it as her contact photo on my phone. In the photo, her eyes are crossed and her cheeks are puffed with air. She must have thought it was ugly and that I would switch it out after seeing it, but I refused to change it. It is the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

And my heart aches when looking at it.

I click on our message thread. Her last text to me is to wish me a safe flight. My hand tightens around my phone. It has only been a few hours, and I miss her so much already.

I miss her voice. I miss being around her. I miss cooking for her and seeing her face light up at every bite. I miss how she feels snuggled up in my arms. I miss the scent of her bed.

And... I miss having sex. Not that it's my biggest gripe, but even when my past relationships were blowing up, we still had sex regularly. Either angry sex, or just going through the motions, no-strings-attached sex. It doesn't seem to work like that with Lia though, and my being away does not help too.