Selfish Loveletter of Dreams

Who am I?

*queue intense montage music*

The names Athan short for Athanasios and my last name is Q- wait no I need a cool last name.... I can't lie, and oh no you're still reading this. The names Athan Castiel, my pronouns are He/Xim and I'm on a journey to find my life's purpose and follow my dreams!

Here's a few things you should know about me... I was born into a rich family but neither of my parents live with me anymore, separated I was left with my Grandpa Charlie and I currently live with him in his two story house in Colorado. My little sister used to live with us too but she was... she's not here anymore. Back when my parents we're together we used to live in California, none of it matters though I despise both places.

I dropped out of highschool right before I would've graduated at the age of 17 I'm currently 18 almost 19 and the only friends I have purely exist online. Despite both my parents having brown hair I was born with gorgeous flowing red locks, I haven't always liked them so I've bleached half of my hair white. My hair is very long and I'd personally like to keep it that way, makes me look so much cooler than actually am. My eyes are brown almost black like a deep onyx. I'm out of shape, pretty weak and underweight. This especially doesn't help the fact that I'm quite tall so I end up looking very... linky. Who cares what other people think though right?

Despite all this I was never made fun of at school, that's not why I dropped out. I slowly grew to realize how little any of it mattered as I've mentioned again and again in this story, so one day I said screw it and just walked out of the classroom. I proceeded to run around the entire school feeling free for the first time. I didn't care anymore, whilst I was late to dropping out I wasn't gonna waste any more of my years at that school and so I didn't.

Yes I know I said I wouldn't explain myself to you but now that I'm the main character of my own story I have to! Warning though I tend to switch things up so often that my own sense of self has been lost in the abyss for almost 2 years now. One important thing to note about me is that nothing lights that spark up anymore, I've felt so empty for such a long time... that's okay though, it's the entire reason I'm on this journey!

First order of business is to decide where I'm going from here. Where do I want to be? I want to live out all my fantasies, to go back to the Dream Realm and make everything possible. There has to be a way to get there without sleeping. I'll ask my friends about it!

I grabbed all my things and hurridly ran back upstairs, with my legs sore and my lungs short on breath I opened the door. I set my things down next to my desk and turned on my computer. I opened up my main social app Korero and got ready to message my best friend Nicholas, or should I say Nikoli. I love to give all my friends nicknames! If I'm being honest here I've had a crush on him for a year now but I'm too scared that I'll ruin our friendship. I'm always afraid.

This is another cycle.

Yes I understand now, I need to break my cycles, do something extreme and important like I mentioned earlier. I'm going to tell him, right now! I can't hold back forever I just can't it's better to be let down now than later right?

Oh a beautiful fantasy that's been in my mind for so long, being with him. It's just one of the many fantasies I've had for so long.

"Niiiiicckkkoliiiii I have something important-"

No that's too serious.

"Hey Nick I really need to tell you-"

Still too serious.