˜"*°• BANDAID •°*"˜ || Elijah Hewson- Inhaler

In My Sleep

Turning the keys to her apartment she stepped inside. Her long coat which she combined with a knitted granny pullover underneath did a good job keeping her warm in the cold February afternoon. Before she could take her coat off she just stood there taking in the lonely and quiet hallway. On the bottom right side there on the floor was her cats little bed with her little water besides. It made her sad looking at the empty bed knowing that her cat has been gone for the past few weeks. She went out and just never returned. Every time she would walk through the entrance to her apartment, there was this gut wrenching feeling inside of her built out of sadness and loneliness. At the end of the hallway was her living room. She walked down the hall past the little cats bed.
"Hey Simba."
It was a way of coping and adjusting to the fact her cat will never be there again. Acting like everything was alright and still the same.

To her right was her bathroom and right after her bedroom. She changed and made her way to the kitchen.
'Let's see", Mirella said whilst looking into the fridge. "I'm just going to eat some cereals, whatever.". Talking to herself she made her way through the hallway back into the living room. She noticed her bag with the poster inside on the floor and picked it up carrying it with her to the red couch.
It's been a while since she's been staring at the bag of hers right on top of her couch table. It seemed like she's having a staring competition with the bag not even daring to blink or move. Holding the bowl of cereals in between her hands made her hands freeze so she put it aside on the table. She continued staring.
Her thoughts flooded her mind in a mater of a second so that she put her face in her hands wanting to hide from the bag and the look of the poster ragging out just a bit out in the corner.
"What if the castings were already closed? What if the poster's been hanging out there for weeks or even months? I can't believe it really. Why am I always doing this to myself. Where did that confidence come from out of nowhere to consider that someone like me would ever succeed in anything? Or pass a casting. I don't even know who they are what am I doing here???". She continued to talk her thoughts out into the empty room to sort them kinda. She looked around the room and laid back onto the cushions. Crossing her hands in-front of her chest she stood up and walked back and forth before going to her shelf where she had her vinyl collection.

A poster of the lead singer of the arctic monkeys Alex Turner was right in front of her. My mother used to be really really close to Alex Turner and they kind of had a thing going on. She tilted her head and bit her lips. My mother met my stepfather when I was a few weeks old. I believe my mother cheated on Alex with my stepfather so that's why they went apart. But my mother told me to never ever mention it to anybody or ever say she used to be with him. She never told Alex that she was pregnant since she was just too young becoming a mother and since Alex worked hard on his career she didn't want him to end it. It wasn't looking good for the both of them anyways and since my mother already had another which seemed more responsible, she just left it as it was. Here I am. When trying to reach out to Alex at that time he gained so much popularity so that all I ever get to talk to was his management. They payed my mother a big amount of money to never say anything about me being his daughter.

Till this day I don't even know if he knew about all that or if he supported the cruel decision his management made to keep his career from crashing into hatred. My stepfather has ginger hair and my mother is a natural blonde with blue eyes, so is my younger sister.
Me? I had brown long hair which had some sort of waves and natural curls at the end. My eyes? Well they were blue but still, I looked a little like my mother but nothing like my stepfather. "Of course not, he's not my real dad." She said to herself interrupting her inner monologue.

'You will see me on stage and I'm going to prove to you that I'm worth your attention and that I'm here. I've always been here waiting for you to reach out. If you're not going to, then I will. Whatever it takes.'
And with that she took out the poster and looked for a date.

In two days...
She put the poster down, starred at it for a while and then started tearing up. She didn't know if she cried because of happiness of getting another chance, having a bit of hope left in her dream. Or just every recent event that made her fall out of track with life.
When she was able to grip the air back in her lungs evenly she walked to the bathroom and opened her vanity. Her medication. She took her pills and left going to the bedroom. When the lights go down feelings can't see in the dark and that's when Mirella felt best. When the word went quiet and she felt like it was just her. She opened her laptop doing research on the band she'll be standing in front of very soon. That little group would be judging her and their judgement would impact her entire life. So much power held by people she hasn't even met yet. 
She googled the bands name and read through a few short texts about their debut and ages. "I thought hey were older", she said to herself. Before looking or pictures of them she switched over to Spotify and played Inhaler on shuffle. She was mentally hitting herself with a baseball bat. "I thought they were less... less... good." She stuttered being the only voice echoing through the halls of the single apartment.

The medication got me really tired and without noticing the lights go down and I drifted to sleep.

Since she didn't touch her laptop the light slowly went down and so the last light enlightening her room went out. Mirella fell asleep with her laptop placed on her belly.

When I dream, I just fall at your feet.

Mirella got woken up by the immensely annoying sound of someone ringing the doorbell. It wasn't just a quick ring to catch someone's attention that there is someone in front of the door. No. It was this endless ringing when you're really pissed. Unfortunately that "pissed" ring was clearly her mother.

"Fuck", she said to herself and cursing herself out of bed, but she tried to keep as quiet as possible to trick her mother into assuming that she wasn't even at home. She lurked trough the hole of the entrance just to see her mother looking down at her watch being extremely annoyed and then turning herself back to ringing the doorbell to fill the apartment with the most annoying sound ever. Mirella flinched when the ringing started her anthem again. She tiptoed to the bedroom getting dressed and packing her stuff to go to her friends place a few blocks down the street in order to prepare for the casting in peace. She knew her mother well enough to know that she will be standing here for the next hour. Her mother had the time and strength to put it into terrorising her daughter. Mirella could've waited for her to stop the ringing but her strong hearing sense drove her insane. Getting woken up by the bell made her heart race go up and have anxiety causing her to shiver. She packet her electric guitar, her laptop and her bag.
"My phone...", she was looking around the entire living room for it just to find it hidden under her pillow.
"She called me 36 times?!", she scream-whispering to herself whilst scrolling down her lock-screen.
She tried her best climbing out the window onto the emergency exit platform which lead down to an alley which was used by the building for trash. The staircase had a New York industrial style which she always enjoyed using. I mean this was an emergency, right? She closed the window down behind her isolating the ringing fully in the apartment without giving it a way to escape or come after her.
It was a chilly morning so she hid her hands in her pockets whilst fixing the concrete ground she was waking on. Lost in her thoughts she tried to remember what her dream was about. She never dreams due to the heavy medications she took but this one didn't leave the back of her mind and was yet not strong enough to appear in front of her eyes. She lifted her head and slowed down her walk.

The casting posters were everywhere.

Everywhere.