07 | driving myself insane

53 8 0
                                    

Usually, Carwyn Clem was never on my mind

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Usually, Carwyn Clem was never on my mind.

Maybe that was a bit of a lie considering we sort of had some weird, dude-bro bonding moment at Eunwoo's house. Things led to another, and now his presence couldn't escape my thoughts, no matter how hard I tried to squeeze the aftermath out of my brain.

Honestly, I didn't know how to really explain it, but something in the air changed after I nearly coughed a lung out and Carwyn just watched me obliterate a house with eggs. Like, I still hated the guy, but it wasn't like I wanted to curse out his next of kin or pull a voodoo thing on him.

It's just... different. Yes, it was different. It wasn't like I dumped all of my repressed trauma on Carwyn in some dramatic, Shakespearean soliloquy and we rejoiced and had some really empowering conversation about why life was so goddamn precious.

No, it was more like I coughed, drank nasty, room temperature water, and Carwyn basically said in the nicest way possible, "bro, you're a messed up little shit but hey, who isn't."

Total dude-bro bonding moment.

When I walked up to Carwyn's car after our morning meeting (which was completely uneventful and I barely listened to), I half expected him to bring it up and make fun of me for it. Honestly, I would, so who else wouldn't?

Normal people wouldn't be dwelling on things like this, but then again, I wasn't exactly normal. Though that didn't really excuse me for being this way. For being this... awkward.

Maybe Carwyn could tell, judging by the way his eyes found me the moment I came into his field of vision. Maybe Carwyn could see how I ran my hands over myself or how I picked at a frayed string on my jacket incessantly, and no matter how much I tugged it, it felt never-ending, much like the spiral spinning itself in my head.

Maybe Carwyn noticed the unease between my brows, the frown already etched on my lips, or perhaps the pain in my expression when I got a brief flashback to that night. Maybe he noticed all these things, but when he joined my side, he merely smirked and gave me a jut of his chin in acknowledgment, like he usually did.

All those stupid, stomach-pinching tingles just left in that moment. Poof. Gone. I wasn't quite sure why I was so concerned about our whole situation being awkward, seeing that Carwyn didn't seem like the type to let the conversation fucking crash and burn like that. Also, I was in no way important enough to be subject to his worries.

There were a lot of other things to care about, and certainly Carwyn wasn't in that category.

God, there was something wrong with me today.

"Good morning, Jase," Carwyn was always perky. Unnaturally perky, like those nasty packets of artificial sugar, but I guess people liked that shit anyway if they kept coming back to it.

"Hi." Immediately, I wanted to punch myself in the face. I winced, knowing there was no use in hiding anything at this point.

"You look great," Carwyn said. I raised an eyebrow at him. His stupid grin widened. "A bit pale, but hey! You're not dead, so that's a win!"

Sweetest Somethings Where stories live. Discover now