Deer Diary || Jily

Year 6 II

Lily sat at a little café near her home.

She usually came there to clear her mind and fill her stomach with warm tea and fresh-baked goods, but today, she had another agenda in mind.

Swirling her spoon in her tea cup, she watched as the liquid formed a whirlpool, dissolving the cubes of sugar she had dropped in only moments before. She tapped her spoon twice on the edge of the cup before setting it down on her plate.

After a sip of the hot drink, she looked at the boy sitting across from her.

"We need to break up."

Eyes widening, the timid boy shook his head, leaning closer as if he had not heard her properly. "B-break up? Why?"

Lily sighed. "We talked about this at the beginning of the summer. This thing between us. I told you that it would only last until the end of the month and you agreed. I have to go back to school and it would just be too complicated to keep this up."

"But- but I don't understand... I thought what we had was good."

"It was good, but our lives are going in different directions and I don't see us lasting. I'm sorry."

The speech had been planned, practiced, and executed with perfection, but Lily still felt that heavy feeling in her throat looking at the boy across from her who did nothing wrong.

"But... Lily..."

"Please don't make this any harder than it needs to be." She stood to her feet and gathered her belongings to make a quick departure. "It really was fun while it lasted. I hope we can remain friends."

She made her way to the exit when she heard him. "Is there someone else? Is there someone else waiting for you at your school?"

With one hand on the glass door, she hesitated before she turned back to him. This... this response was off-script. She hadn't planned for this.

Someone else? Why would he...? How could he...?

Flustered, Lily stuttered, shaking her head jerkily. "N-no. There's no one else."

Finally understanding, the boy had a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I hope he makes you happy, Lily. You deserve the best."

Without another word, Lily pushed the door open and walked as fast as she could away from the muggle boy who had accepted her without knowing a thing about her, who treated her well without her even asking, and who let her go without putting up a fight.

This was for the best, Lily convinced herself. This was best for her and for the boy.

Because every time he touched her, she imagined hands that were rough and calloused from Quidditch practice pulling her in.

Because every time he smiled at her, she imagined a crooked grin and a sly little joke ready to make her laugh or roll her eyes or do both.

Because every time he looked at her, she imagined hazel eyes behind rimmed glasses that were full of secrets and truths that she was ready to uncover.

Over the summer, James had consumed her very essence. Her thoughts and dreams belonged to James Potter and there was nothing she could do about it.

She often found James's beautiful curls to be the object of her daydreams (and nighttime fantasies) and she imagined how it would feel to twirl a strand of it around her finger. She wondered how soft it would be when she splayed her hands across his hair and clutched it lightly.

Over the summer, she had come to terms with her feelings for James and she dealt with those feelings by jumping headfirst into a relationship with the first muggle boy that had asked her out.

But now that break was over, she had to return to reality.

Hogwarts was waiting for her and with it came many more challenges.