A Defender's Oath (Rafael Barba x reader)

The End Of An Era.

Thank you for your ongoing patience. I mean to write faster life has just been very hard lately. I hope you enjoy this chapter I'll try to keep up with writing more regularly for anyone still reading.

That night was the night that ended the life I knew. The last thing I remember was seeing Barba over me as paramedics hurried over. It happened so quick. I was there with him, then I could see myself laying on the ground. Moving only as they were performing cpr, then moving me after returning a pulse to my body. I had heard stories about out of body experiences. This felt like a strange dream I wasn't going to wake up from. Barba stormed off, I stayed near my body just looking at the shape it was in.

"What have I done?" I sighed, "was this a life well lived? I hadn't even felt happy until-"

At that very moment Barba stubbornly found his way onto the ambulance. He explained he'd be accompanying me to the hospital until the Captain would be able to relieve him. My ethereal figure settled onto a space near the feet of my body. I just stared at the wreck I had become.

"Maybe this isn't the life I want anymore. I'm not going up or down. Am I not dead yet?" I talked to myself hoping it would feel more real. "Ah. Maybe I get to go back in if I have some sort of epiphany. But I don't feel thankful for anything. I feel like it would be best for everyone if I just-"

I looked up as the monitor started beeping. The stable state they had me in was gone. There was a soft "no" from my right that caught my attention. Barba's hands gripped together tightly. His hand reached out only briefly before he restrained himself allowing the professionals to do their work. He was barely keeping things together at this point.

"This is all a bad dream, I'll wake at some point won't I?" I watched my broken body being attached to a defibrillator they had in the back. They worked quickly. I've had plenty of nightmares but this felt so weird. "I don't want to go yet. I'm just tired. And isn't someone supposed to show up. Death, God, an Old One, the universe disguised as something I can comprehend...shit, I'll take the ghost of Christmas past at this point. But I don't really believe in much anymore so maybe it is a matter of what I want. How boring."

Upon that thought I watched as they stabalized my vital signs once more. Even though it seemed like a frustrating predicament I didn't feel the emotions that went along with it. When people talked of out of body experiences, or near death experiences, they met loved ones or their God. They had a meaningful experience. Here I was alone with my thoughts trying to convince myself I still had a life worth living. Maybe it's all a dream. They say our brains work for a little while after death, perhaps I'm just deducing what is happening because I never have done anything but this my entire life. The ambulance halted, before the doors swung open Barba grabbed my hand. My heart felt like butterflies fluttering in my chest. How was I feeling anything without a physical body? I felt his the warmth of his hand the pressure of his hand on my ethereal form.

"Barba..." I sighed.

"I know this is completely selfish, but please pull through this for me. I'm not ready to lose you yet. I haven't even gotten the chance to tell you how much I love you," he spoke softly as the paramedics were preparing to move me out as soon as the doors opened.

His hand let go of mine. The doors opened and I was pushed away from Barba. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to stay, I wanted to wake up at that moment and tell him I felt the same. He dejectedly stepped out of the back and watched as I was taken into the hospital. The last thing I saw was him burying his face into his hands.
 
  
Everything moved so quick. They were briefed on my situation. My apparent uncle had passed on what drugs Brody used over the time I was with him. They doctors prepared for surgery, even though there would be higher risks, they hoped after some x-rays and scans my system would have cleared by then. I felt like as time passed I was growing more impatient and I didn't know why. Like time was running out and I didn't know what to do. I heard the doctors talking about my injuries, my bones in my arm were shattered, there was a brain injury, some ribs were cracked. I tried to shut it out. How could someone I trusted do this to me?