stiles in new york

ready as always

Stiles pov

I'm sitting in my living room, on the couch next to my dad

My luggage is in the hall and we're both staring at an empty tv screen too scared to talk or let the tears flow

We are both holding it in hoping for dear life we don't break down

Because if I start crying now I may never stop, I mean sure I'm happy to leave and explore the world

I'm not sad for me I'm sad for him and Scott and Malia, Lydia, Derek, Liam, Isaac and the rest

But if I'm going to live the rest of my life I have to do it for me not for them, even if I only have year

I'm already weak today but I only made it worse by not eating or drinking

I didn't drink or eat because I don't want to, even before I was sick or before the nogitsune I had this problem with my body

So I didn't eat or even drink to not gain anymore weight but sometimes I would fail and binge and then throw it all up seconds later

And then when the nogitsune came it all became worse, I didn't do anything, I didn't sleep nor provide myself with basic human necessities like food

I didn't talk, I didn't listen I just stared at my bedroom wall hoping the nightmares and pain and suffer would stop

But then I started to dissociate, it felt like I wasn't controlling myself and my true self was flying outside of my body just watching

And from time to time I would get out of my dissociation and too keep myself in control I would cut, not deep but enough to make mee feel

I stopped for a while when I noticed how addictive it was and now I'm addicted again

It's easy to hide and makes me feel good and in control of myself

The door bell rings and as I was about to stand up my dad pulls me down and goes to the door

He opens it, I hear them talking and then my dad called my name

"Yeah what's up?"

"I'm going to talk a bit outside with Phil okey"

"Sure"

He steps outside and closes the door behind him and i could hear the soft muttering outside but I couldn't make up the words

As I'm just looking at the tv screen I'm noticing it's happening again, I was about to go upstairs and prevent it from happening but it was to late

I was dissociated, again, but it was just like when nogitsune was here. after him I would still get them but less prowerfull

Now it's just like that I couldn't do anything and I didn't even hear them coming back in and calling my name

My dad snapped his fingers in front of my face

I looked at him and there was worry in his eyes but I couldn't do anything I was stuck inside myself

"Phill is waiting in the car, I've put your luggage in and you can go"

"Okey"

I stand up and walk over to the door and put my hand on the handle but couldn't press down or open it

I had zero strength and I didn't want to go without hugging my dad but I couldn't control myself

And without notice I'm in sombodys arms, and that's when I felt reality coming back to me

"I love you"

I wisperd into his neck

"I love you to son"

I was so scared that if he hadn't hugged me I wouldn't have said goodbye and It would have for sure been a longer dissociation

We let ge of each other and have a long eye contact moment

"I'll miss you"

"Me to son"

We look at each other one more time before I slowly step out the door and I don't look back cause I'm scare I will change my mind

And with that I walk up to the car that is going to finally let me leave this town

----_-------_-------_-------_-------_-----_------_------_

Hope you liked, don't be afraid to give advice and vote if you liked it!