Blue, Beyond

There's Nothing I Can Do

"Privacy is power. What they don't know, they can't ruin" -Unknown

   "I don't understand, Catie. How did it get out??" Annie and Cate were pacing back and forth Tuesday morning in their bedroom. "I don't know! All I know, is that there is a report coming out, that has photo evidence of you and I... in the car" Cate put her face in the palms of her hands.

   "I... I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have gone to your car. I... I should have been more careful. You're famous... you have a reputation. I should have known. I ruined everything, I..." Cate interrupted her by putting her hands on her face and looking her in the eye. "What you gave, I took willingly. It is not your fault. Do you understand?" Cate said firmly.

   "Did you just... quote Carol Aird?" Annie cracked a smile. Cate started laughing. "Shut up. I mean it Annie. You did nothing wrong. It's my life... I can't keep anything secret. I don't have any privacy. I should have known something like this would happen" Cate sighed.

   "You deserve privacy, Cate. You deserve to have a life and choose not to share it with the world. What they did was wrong" Annie went on. "I know what they did was wrong... but there is nothing I can do about it. My publicist said it's coming out tomorrow. There's nothing we can do" Cate looked down.

   "I'm sorry you had to be put through this. They're going to have a field day with you. I know it. I'm sorry. I really am" Cate put her hand on Annie's. "I would do anything for this. For us. I will be okay, Cate. I'm just worried about the kids. The fans... your reputation... this just doesn't look good. You're still married, you're not out... I..." Annie went on.

   "As far as the kids, they'll come around. We just need to tell them tonight. Before the article can come out. As far as my fans, they'll just be happy they were right about me liking women and half of them want Andrew and I apart anyways. They think I'm a lesbian" Cate laughed. "As for my reputation... it's not any worse than what a lot of people have done. I'll recover. I'll just be completely honest and sincere. They'll understand... or they won't. Either way, my truth is out. No matter what" Cate smiled.

   "How are you being so calm??" Annie shook her head. "I've been a celebrity for a while now. I know how these things go and I have training... I'll be okay. You on the other hand... we need to get you some training. I'll call my manager. You don't have a lot of experience with the public. I don't want you caught in a hard place" Cate said lovingly.

   "Thank you. I could use it. I'm a teacher. I have experience with talking in public but... nothing like this" Annie shook her head. "It's not all that different from talking to children. Don't worry" Cate smiled, as she texted her agent. "Ha! You're probably right about that" Annie laughed and shook her head.

   "Alright, you're penciled in for tomorrow, just around the time the article releases. So, when shit hits the fan... you'll be prepared. As of tonight... we need to tell the kids" Cate sighed. "Okay, absolutely. Take the lead, I'll follow. Whatever you say, I'll do it" Annie cooperated.

   Cate sighed. "I'm sorry. It's... just... this isn't how this was supposed to go. None of this. I'm sorry darling. This is not going to be easy" Cate looked down. "Don't worry about what's hard... I can do hard things. Don't you worry about that. I'll do whatever we need to do. I'm all in Cate. Forever. Just say the word baby" Annie lifted her chin up and kissed her.

   "You're so getting laid tonight" Cate laughed in an ornery tone. "I'm looking forward to it" Annie bit her lip and blushed. "Okay okay, back to... ugh. Reality" Cate said, exasperated. "I'll text the kids to all be here tonight so we can talk about an article being released. I'll also call Andrew, fill him in and have him come as well. We're telling the kids we're divorcing tonight also... shit, I didn't even think of that. Jesus. They're going to have so much... just unloaded onto them. Damn it" Cate was angry at this point.

   "It's okay darling... they'll understand. This is a lot though.... I wouldn't be surprised if they had a hard time with it all" Annie added. "FUCK!!!" Cate screamed in a rage. Annie realized just how upset she was getting. Cate was pacing back and forth, pursing her lips. She had a vein popping out of her temple. Annie had never seen this side of Cate.

   It was fucking hot but also... terrifying. She didn't know what to expect. Cate ran out onto the balcony, slamming the door behind her. Annie jumped at the sound. Annie could see her out there. Cate lit a cigarette and continued pacing out there. She saw Cate take her phone out. She was calling someone.

    Annie assumed it was Andrew. She was yelling and crying. She reminded her a lot of Jasmine from her movie Blue Jasmine or Lydia from Tár, when she attacked the conductor. She was wild, unreachable, unhinged... It seemed. Cate was out there for nearly two hours. She paced and smoked out there the whole time. She went through nearly an entire pack of cigarettes. Annie finally decided to check on her after she saw her sitting for a while.

   "Sweetheart, are you okay?" Annie asked. "I'm fine. Just stay away from me" Cates voice was cold and distant towards her. She wouldn't turn around to look at her even. "Did I do something wrong?" Annie asked, concerned. "Of all the... NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, damn it" she turned around suddenly, turned on Annie... suddenly.

"Maybe you should leave" Cate said with ice in her veins. "Cate, talk to me. I don't want to leave. I want to talk to you... fight with you. Whatever we need to do! I don't want to leave Cate. I want to-" Cate cut Annie short. "It's not about what you want. Hell, it's not even about what I want" Cate paced around the room, like she was on some sort of track, a loop playing endlessly.

"Cate... you're scaring me. You're acting as if this is the end?? I thought we were telling the children, I thought-" Cate looked at her with a hint of remorse "you thought wrong. Leave. Now" Cate held the door open for Annie. "If you think I'm just going to walk out of here-" Annie started.

"STOP MAKING THIS MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT NEEDS TO BE. LEAVE" Cate yelled, gesturing at the door. "I won't leave you" Annie demanded. "You act as if this was anything at all other than some sort of frivolous fling. It's over! Now leave. If you have even a shred of dignity left, leave now" Cate warned.

"I don't know what has happened to you Cate, but this isn't you" Annie felt herself welling up. "You don't even know me, Annie" Cate looked at her with a look Annie couldn't quite figure out. "I don't know you??? Well, if that's true... then I don't know who does" Annie scoffed.

"You know, you can try and push me away all you want... but I'm not going anywhere. Do you hear me??? I'm not leaving" Annie grabbed Cates shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I'm not going. Anywhere" Cates eyes filled with tears. Annie pulled her in. Cate fell apart in her arms. "Why won't you just leave me, Annie??" Cates body shook from the sobs she let out.

"I'm never leaving you, I love you" Annie held her as she fell to pieces in her arms. "I love you..." Cate held her tightly. "I hope you continue to love me... even after all of what you will face" Cate was deeply worried. "I would walk through hell and I would freeze the whole damn place over, single-handedly if that meant getting to love you. I choose you. Always" Annie pet Cates head.

"Thank you. For staying" Cate looked into her eyes. "You know... what I said..." She started. "I know, I know" Annie pushed her hair out from her face. "Don't ever do that again. You let me make my own choices. Understand?" Annie looked at cate seriously. "I understand. I'm sorry" Cate sniffled. Annie wiped her tears. "I'm a grown woman. I know what I'm choosing. I know what I'm walking into. You don't have to protect me" Annie took her hands into hers.

"I know you don't need my protection. I know. I'm just scared.... I want you to be happy and... I don't know how I could possibly offer that to you" Cate rubbed her thumb across Annie's hand. Annie kissed her lovingly and looked her in the eyes. "Cate...I don't know how you couldn't"