Through the gates of love

Faith

i tried cleaning my messed up room which was as messy as my mind and life rn. not knowing that cleaning would lead me to an old diary of mine with all the memories in it. my old life and it's beautiful moments were not really beautiful for me now it only makes my heart aches now. i sat their and turned my first page the starting of my grade 10. ahhh! what a beautiful year. the last and the only year where Alex and I knew each others feelings and still i was not ready to accept and get in a relationship my only agenda for the year was my studies. 

    20 july 2016 

       dear diary, 

after knowing what Alex felt for me i tried avoiding him and it's been a month i did not want any kind of drama to be created from my side at school so i decided to just avoid him. none the less that was not what Alex decided to do. i sit on third bench with 2 boys in front one of me and a boy at the back with my best friend Rachel . and Alex was in my class itself it was a test for both us to be in the same class, he tried changing the class but failed to do so. later the guy in front of me tried talking to me just for the notes but was soon attacked by Alex's threatening eyes and loud voice asking him to turn in front or else he would soon be down at knees apologizing for having a conversation with me. i was probably tried of this behavior of his, it was cute as he was possessive but not when he knew that we were nothing but just friends now. the guy turned around and talked to me only when Alex was no more seeing. i turned to Rachel and complained, who is he? what does he think he is? he was just asking for notes i don't think threatening him was any great idea. Rachel said, it's okay he is just protective for you so that no guy can hurt your feelings or anything. try to act normal he probably didn't know that he was asking for notes. i agreed with her and stayed quiet. later that day for the break he asked Rachel to make sure that i ate well he even made sure that i was eating ,by standing near the window. i ate until he was there and kept my lunch aside as soon as he left Rachel scolded me and made me eat my lunch as she was ordered to do so. i never understand why every single person around Alex is afraid of him. i am not. whenever he said me to put my blazer and buttons on i exactly did the opposite. maybe to make him jealous and then he made sure not even a single boy look at me or else the school knew what was coming up next. now that we have to submit our math work tomorrow Alex took my book to his home without my permission obviously and Rachel helped him robbing my book. i was against it but couldn't help.

alex has always been this possessive and protective of me not a new thing and he is still the same now. i kept the diary on the shelf near my bed to continue later and laid down remembering and hurting myself with all those memories.