𝒐𝒖𝒓 [ 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 ] 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒐𝒌 ➼ She's tired of it―she's tired of it all. Watching from behind. Sneaking peaks, never being able to say: I love you.
Having crushed on the same boy for a long time Isa has realised that it's time for a change. B...
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The cake batter smoothes out. And then it rises. Slowly. Such a pleasant sight. It calms my heart. I sit on the floor with my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly and watch the cake batter in the oven.
My mind wanders to the past.
To the time when I was only Bell and Bianca was only Bee. We were friends then. Maybe even best friends.
She always said I was her best friend, but I never felt like it, so I'd nod and smile. The only response I knew.
I liked a boy then too.
I really liked him.
Back then I'd say I was in love but now I know it definitely wasn't that. It was just a simple infatuation, a simple crush.
But the feelings were still strong. Still real.
Bianca noticed. Because of course she did — and pulled the guy along with us. She'd be touchy with him, more than was necessary, and every so often her eyes would flicker to me. A hint of glee in them.
"Trust me Bell, he likes you!"
"Are you sure? He's never given that impression."
"What makes you say that? I'm not lying, trust me." She sends me a smile.
"Because..." I draw my eyes away, "he never looks at me." He always looks at you.
"Trust me, he likes you."
I remain silent, still not looking at her.
"You should confess."
I never did.
One day Bianca decided to help me out. So on our walk around school during recess, Bianca, my crush and I — with a bunch of kids around — Bianca spat out that I like him. She pushed me towards him, saying her famous words that are etched into my brain, "Look at her, don't you like her too?"
He didn't. He didn't like me at all. He never even noticed me. People were around. People were looking. Laughing. I could hear laughing.
I clutch my chest, shutting my eyes. Deep breathes. Deep breathes. Don't panic. I open my eyes, watching the cake again, watching the way it rises in the heat. Slowly, my heartbeat calming down.
He rejected me, of course. And I cried.
"I'm sorry Bell, I didn't think — I was sure... Oh I'm so sorry Bell. Please forgive me," Bianca cooed, patting my back softly.
I couldn't get any words out. Sitting on that uncomfortable wooden bench, the air humid and the surroundings loud. I just wanted it all to disappear. For it all to be quiet.
But I couldn't get that, not with her next to me.
Always speaking. Always saying something. Making sure that I'm aware — that she is there.
I glanced over at her. And all I saw was a bright smile.
