OLD Version

Therapy:

My heart felt full after spending the night under JJ. We crossed a line we've never crossed before together, exploring the sexual world in ways he wasn't fully experienced with, though I never would have known if he hadn't of told me. He was always good at everything he did to satisfy me. I showed him different positions and different things he could do to pleasure me. I had a lot of experience because of Maceo's wild desires, so teaching JJ things from the world of BDSM was bound to happen, he'd had a teaser by fucking me in the swing in Barbados but the things we did last night really put us over the line. 

I didn't tell him that occasionally his face blurred into Maceo's while he took control and dominated me, but I have a feeling he could tell when it did, and chose to ignore it. I'm glad he did, I felt safe regardless. I knew the safe word and that JJ would stop if things got too intense, but it never did, I wasn't in a full trance like how it normally. I think it was just the effects of the LSD in my system that made me see things all night. Regardless, all I felt was love, devotion and bound to him. Like I used to feel with Maceo.

"Princess?" JJ breaks the comfortable silence we've been in since laying down after we made breakfast. 

I happily sigh and sit up, "Yes?"

He pulls me down by the side of my neck to presses a kiss to my forehead, "We should get our days going, maybe go to the Chateau."

"What are we doing today? Y'all have plans to steal the cross yet?" 

I'm wondering if he'll decide to tell me the plans I know they made.

He looks away and rubs his hands down his face, "I, uh, I don't know what we're doing today but no there's no plans. Pope dropped the whole cross thing." 

I'm getting good at reading his lies now.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I bitterly respond before moving away to get off the bed.

"Wait," He abruptly sits up, failing at grabbing me, "are you mad at me?"

I laugh sarcastically, "No. I'm super happy my boyfriend is siding with everyone on hiding things because y'all don't trust me. It feels great."

He stares at me, worry flashing across his face, "I wasn't siding with them. I just.. I--"

"You're siding with them by hiding things and lying." My arms fan out at my sides, "Are you only keeping me out of it or is Matias in the dark too?"

"Fuck, Kaila, I hate being in the middle of this shit. I don't know what to do, alright?" He lays back and looks out my window, clearly defeated, "Matias doesn't know anything either." 

"You are never on my side, JJ." I let out a frustrated huff, "You should have chosen to stand up for me and side with me, told them lying to me would be shitty since we're supposed to be working on being healthier for each other."

He snaps his head to look at me, frustration in his features, "Kaila." 

"Somehow gold always comes first."

"It's not like that. I didn't chose them over you or gold over you. I just didn't tell you the plans they made."

I scoff, "Right, because you didn't just lie to me for them?"

"I mean yeah, but they just don't want you running to Rafe and Ward to tell them what we're doing. And they obviously rope Matias in with you and Rafe so he got left out too." 

"Do you agree with them? You think I'd do that?" I challenge, my hand grips the corner of my dresser to keep me steady since I feel panicked now, "Let me guess, leaving me out was Kiara's idea, right? And you went along with her, taking her side to go against your own damn girlfriend like normal?"