I Needed to Vent

Mother

Oh mother, how lovely of you harassing me because I am a trans boy,
Oh mother, I love it how you say I am a target to society,
Of course you are the only one who hates that I am being supported by everyone and have that little joy,
Even dad tries a bit, but you verbally attack me instead of shutting your mouth quietly.

My life is really miserable and I am mentally unstable,
Yet I have this little joy that I am at least perceived as a boy, doesn't matter if I was born one or not,
You will never get it because you aren't trans, you will never have to live in constant suffering because of a label,
I want - I need to get myself shot.

When will you stop making me more miserable?
Don't act like you care about my mental health when you are a big reason why it is so horrible,
Remember when you wanted to abandon me on a road and encourage me to kill myself and when dad stopped you, your whole mood was irritable?
Remember when I came out and you hit me while yelling and forcing me to go to therapy and in general being someone terrible?

Its been years since all that and I still remember,
Every detail of all that happened in a lot more situations than those two since I came out at thirteen,
And I will always remember it, especially in september,
Yet I will keep changing my name and body to a masculine one so stop saying I am just an miserable idiot who is just a teen.

This is why I never tell you anything,
You will never know when I am having episodes, or that I keep damaging myself and trying to end me, or that I was groomed, or that I drink and smoke,
I don't trust you to as someone to open up with because you will yell (sometimes even hit) at me by any problem or thing,
Because the trust that I had on you when I was little broke.