I Needed to Vent

Give up

Everyone gave up on me,
No one is surprised anymore at how self destructive I am towards my own body and mind,
All people around me are already used to what they see,
Or at least they try to pretend to be blind.

Family tells me, begs me to get professional help,
Everytime I refuse it,
It is notisable I am not in good health,
But that won't be something I will openly admit.

My skin, pale as a ghost, is turning green,
My bones always showing, I love it,
Yet I need more, so everyone says I won't get past eighteen,
Which I am glad because I refuse to eat and stop vomiting, I refuse to quit.

My body full of scars that I hide,
My mind always switching between intense emotions and numbness,
My mental health already died,
And I hope I don't make it past this summer.

So every person that knows me just gave up on trying to help me,
They will complain loudly about me but say they are not amused by my actions,
Sometimes speeches about therapy for me to agree,
Because there are times I do bad stuff to have pleasure in their painful reactions.

What no one will ever understand is that I never asked to be like this,
I never asked for this mindset,
This is the way my mind works and it doesn't come with a reward like a kiss,
It is just the way I am and everyone realised it so they stopped asking loudly where my old mind went.

I don't grieve the kid I used to be,
I did burried my old self,
But I never looked back on how I was, that being something people disagree,
So what if I am worse everyday? I also gave up on myself.