Chasing After You

37

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"Gaga ka ba?" malakas na tanong ni Ryn sa akin nang pinuntahan nila ako sa kwarto ko matapos kong sabihin sa kanila ang nangyari. It was almost 9 in the evening and they have decided to stay with me tonight because of what happened. They're really always there for me when I need them.

I was just sitting on the edge of my bed and I've been stopping myself from crying again. I'm getting tired of crying. When I went to my room earlier today, I just kept on crying. They were all asking for me and I just told them that I wasn't feeling well. Hindi na rin ako bumalik para kausapin ang iba pang mga empleyado dahil hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko ba sila lahat haharapin sa estado ko.

Mabuti na lang at hindi nagpumilit ang mga magulang ko na palabasin ako ng kwarto kanina. Wala akong ibang ginawa kung hindi ang umiyak habang iniisip ang mga nangyari.

How hurt Cloud was when I said those words.

How over we are now.

"Ryn," awat ni Anj sa kaibigan namin dahil nakikita nito kung paano akong umiyak. Nasa tabi ko ito habang inaalo ako.

Ryn looked at her and shook her head and turned her head on me again. "Anj, look. I'm just... I don't understand you, Ash. Why did you do that without even talking to Cloud? Why did you do that without clarifying things and–"

"I don't know..." I looked down and started sobbing again. Mahigpit kong niyakap ang unan habang patuloy ang pag-iyak ko. I know that I am not in the position to cry, to be like this because I was the one who broke up with him, but I feel like a shit right now.

I feel like a mess.

And I couldn't stop blaming myself again. Kung mali ako ng akala, kung mali ako ng ginawa, I just hurt him for the second time. Ibig sabihin ay ang pagkakamaling nagawa ko noon, ginawa ko ulit.

Sinaktan ko ulit si Cloud.

"I don't know..." muling sabi ko bago tumingin sa kanilang dalawa. Nanlalabo ang mga mata ko sa patuloy na pag-iyak at lumapit naman sa akin si Anj at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. "I don't know. I... was stupid, I know. I am stupid, I know that..." nagyuko ako at niyakap ng mahigpit si Anj. Sumasakit na rin ang ulo ko sa pag-iyak ngunit para bang hindi nauubos ang mga luha ko sa pagpatak.

"I... they kept telling me those things... and–"

"And you believed them..." Ryn cut me off and looked at me. Lumapit siya sa amin at tumabi rin sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Sunod-sunod pa rin ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko habang nakatingin kay Ryn.

She was right.

I believed them.

"What happened to my dad's company... I saw how hurt he was. How devastated he was... and I can't put him through that pain again if ever there's another plan that is coming and–"

"Ashanti..." pinisil ni Ryn ang kamay ko at tinitigan ako. "Your dad is fixing it, and you're helping him, and so is Cloud."

I looked down and sobbed.

"But you don't understand... I heard him, I heard him talking about his plans..."

"You thought he was back to get his revenge, right?" she asked me again and I looked at her. "You thought he was back to hurt you, but didn't he prove to you that he loves you? O wala ka talagang tiwala kay Cloud?"