screw the past

Ch 4. Memories

Of course I'm in his bunk. With a throbbing hand and no pants. I don't really want to wake him, no if I have to be up so does he. "Andy," no response, "Andrew," I push him off me and he hits his arm against the wall. I cover my mouth to keep from laughing when he looks over at me, "fuck off," he grunts and moves back to pull me closer almost instinctively like we've slept this way a million nights. "That's not very off," I poke, "I'll push you out of this bunk Lizard or you shut up and go back to sleep with me." Charm your way out of this buddy. "My hand," he opens his eyes and sits up grabbing it softly but quick. "It hurts?" I nod to answer his question, "okay, I'll find you ice," he moves over top of me and hops down.

I was going to tell him to lay back down and I'll find some but he moved too quick. It doesn't hurt so bad that I need to be on bed rest like this but, you'd think I'm about to lose my hand by the way he's acting. He's only doing this because he thinks it's his fault.

The curtain closes after I moved away so he could sit by me. His hand grabs mine and moves it around looking at it. "Luckily I'm not known to land on my feet on stage so we keep ice packs on the bus," he moves his hand around pressing at different parts making me whine in pain. "Okay I'm done," he doesn't look done because he's holding it instead of giving me my hand back. "Can I have my hand?" He lets go, "I thought you'd make a comment about me falling on my face and shit."

I smile at him, "not used to people falling on stage, you've seen me perform." He rolls his eyes at me and looks away.

"You should've came with me," I don't want to have this conversation. Why in the world is he even bringing this up right now. Completely unprompted and unwanted. "Andy..." I sigh, he looks at me before talking again.
"You're not escaping this," I haven't even thought of it in years... until he pushed it into my head.

"I still made it here," I answer him trying to avoid this. "Liz, please let me talk,"
"you're going to talk even if I don't let you," I interrupt him. "I told you I had a plan. We'd figure it out, I did,"
"You lived in a car why do you expect me-" I try to get out but he interrupts me, again.
"I did what I had to for my dream!"
"Your dream. Yours!"
"Last time I checked we're doing the same fu-"
"I'm sorry I didn't turn 18 and move out to California practically across the country with a boy who hated me. It would've been a completely different situation with me there, I'd be your competition," I finally get to say it.
"I offered you-"
"Your band would be different too Andy," "Elizabeth."
"You believe..." I pause knowing I need to word this correctly, "you really think this band would have been as successful by throwing," "Elizabeth!" He yells my name again trying to stop me.
"Some new thing out into this industry (too full of themselves to support others) by putting a male and female vocalist together,"
"I know that, it would've been new, we would've broken through! Been,"
"We would've tanked! You know that!"
"This great rock band and with the mix of our vocal range,"
"Andrew Dennis!"
"What?" He yells in response to his name. Finally ending us speaking over instead of at each other.
"We're getting no where yelling over each other," I sigh, leaning back. "You need to take the ice off now," he says way quieter than our voices seconds ago.

~

Andy's working on wrapping my hand while their tour manager tells him what to do. He won't let any man touch me even though I'm fine, I'm not some damaged item just because of my ass of an ex. "You guys learn this from Andy tripping over himself?" The two laugh and he puts the last piece of tape on.

"What the hell happened to you?" Twist asks walking into the back room. "Got in a fight with a table last night," I respond working on my makeup for the show. "She won too, only one without a hole," Andy chimes in from next to me. "Okay Liz, what'd it do? Call you a whore?" Eli jokes from the couch. "Wrong place wrong time. It met one of my famous breakdowns," I respond keeping the humor in it. I move to grab my eyeliner realizing the hand I use is wrapped currently. Andy watches me and grabs it before pulling my chair close. It moves with a shriek against the concrete floor. "What are you doing?" I ask him when he leans in close.