Never Fall For The Sad Boy (bxb)

4. Ignorance

Kian doesn't say a word to me on Friday. I gave him my number yesterday, and sent him a "Hi :)", though he hasn't responded. I know I need to be patient with him. I stayed up late last night researching mental health stuff, like the way Kian's reaction yesterday might have been some sort of panic attack.

I didn't think about it at the time, but he definitely wasn't breathing, at least not properly. After an hour or so of asking around on Reddit and Twitter (anonymously, of course), I came to the conclusion that it most likely had to do with trauma.

The thing is, I always thought this shit only ever happened in movies. It didn't make any sense to me – still doesn't – how somebody would end up in an accident or a situation that they can't escape, even after they're physically not in it anymore.

I was aware it was happening around the world, but I never thought it would happen around me. Maybe I'm arrogant to think that, I'm not sure.

Does Kian's well-being even concern me? I don't know, honestly. Do I want it to concern me? Yes, I want to help him. I've decided it does concern me. I think that it's obligatory that I know some of Kian's problems, or at least that I can identify them, if I want to be his friend. And, oh, do I want that.

At lunch, Kian hangs out with Grace and her crew, laughing and smiling with them. He looks so nice when he smiles, and I know that I sound like a creep when I say he should do it more, but he should.

I go home from school not having said anything to Kian and that upsets me for some reason. I wish he would talk to me, know that he can, though I do see that he's happy with Grace and I hope she doesn't fuck him over.

"Hi mom," I say when I enter my kitchen. Mom works away in her office in town in the mornings, seven AM til' twelve, then she works from home, so she is always home when I come.

"Hi, my love, have a good day?" she asks, looking up from her work laptop with a smile.

"Yeah, pretty much," I haven't told her about the stuff with Kian. She knows I'm trying to befriend him, but isn't asking for any details. Maybe I should tell her. But that would probably go against Kian's boundaries, considering how he reacted when he accidentally told me. However, my mother is a therapist, and could easily help me out here. I don't need to say Kian's name.

"Hey, mom?" I turn around from where I was leaving the kitchen. Mom looks up again.

"Yes, hunny?"

"I have a friend who I think I care about quite a bit, and, uhm, and I think they've been through some shit. I don't know what to do, they didn't talk to me today."

Mom looks at me with a slightly furrowed brow.

"Have you tried talking to your friend?"

"I did yesterday and they opened up, but I don't think they meant to. Then they ignored me today and I feel like they don't want me to talk to them."

"Okay. Do you want to talk to them?"

"Of course."

"Okay. Why don't you talk to them?"

"They would push me away. Yesterday they freaked out because they didn't mean to tell me."

"You should try to talk to them, or get them to trust you. Who is this? It's not Simon, is it?"

"No, it's, uhm, it's just someone I like. They wouldn't want me to say who they are."

"Alright, I understand. You can always talk to me, you know that, right?"

"Yes, mom, I know. Thank you, I'll try to talk to them."

"Good boy. Oh– and would you stay in your room for the next hour or so? I have a client coming in for an emergency session in about ten minutes, and it would seem more professional if their therapist's son wasn't running around."

My mom chuckles around the last words and I smile and nod before taking a bottle of yoghurt and going up to my room.

Sitting on my bed, I find myself wondering where Kian lives. He went to Oakfolk before, so does he live there? Does he really have a thirty minute car ride to get to school? He must live somewhere between Oakfolk and Wayhild, but there isn't any village between the two. Only a ridiculously long road in the forest.

There isn't a bus going between our towns, so he would need to have a car or... walk. I shiver at the thought. I've had my driver's license for six months, but before that my parents always drove me.

Still speculating about this, thinking back to each and every interaction I have had with him, even before I met him and without talking to him, I fall asleep on my bed.

—

Kian still hasn't responded to the text, nor has he talked to me. It's Tuesday, and I'm starting to get a bit irritated, which is a feeling I'm not used to at all. I sent him another message ("What're you up to?") on Saturday, but he ignored it.

The third period is over and lunch has just started. I see Grace exiting a bathroom, chatting with two of her friends. I'm assuming the rest and Kian are already in the canteen.

"Hey, Grace!" I call out, not quite aware that I'm doing it. Grace's hair flies like flames of fire when she spins around.

"Oh, hi Elis," she smiles at me when she sees that it is me. She doesn't dislike me, I don't think so anyway, but she also doesn't talk to me because I'm friends with Simon.

Her girl friends are squinting their eyes at me like they're expecting me to attack them. God, what happened to society? I already know the answer to that.

Men.

"Hey, uh, could I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure," she says carefully, then turns to her friends, "I'll meet you at our table?" And with another glance at me, the girls turn and leave, immediately connecting to each others' hips and whispering to each other.

"So what do you want?" she asks, not exactly impatient or annoyed, but also not friendly.

"How– how well do you know Kian?" I question, pinching the bridge of my nose. I do realize how ridiculous I sound.

"Oh. Well, not so well considering I've only known him for a bit over a week, but I'd say we're friends. I was over at his house this Saturday. I like him. Why?"

"So you know where he lives? God, that sounds creepy, sorry."

She laughs. "It's fine. Why do you want to know?"

"I don't know if he's told you anything, but I sort of care about him, and I'm worried and he has been ignoring me since Thursday."

"I worry about him. I know you're a good guy, Elis, I really do, and anyone would be a fool not to trust you," she seems to be talking to herself, but I can't help but feel a bit sheepish about her words.

She then proceeds to tell me where he lives. It's a farm about ten minutes from the end of the city, and apparently it's big. I had no idea he lives on a farm.

When Grace and I enter the canteen, I catch Kian's eyes, but before I can follow Grace to their table, I hear Simon call me over.

"What the fuck, man, why are you hanging out with Grace fucking Olsson?"