Alchemy •Dan Smith•

twenty nine

Dan and I didn't get home until late due to traffic and accidents. We both were worn from the long weekend and didn't even say any words as a goodbye, instead we just leaned into each other for a long hug before retreating into our own apartments.

I didn't even bother unpacking, I tossed my luggage by the door and slowly inched into my bedroom. I didn't get to sleep quickly though, I was in a state of haziness as I stared at my ceiling for who knows how long.

.•*.•*.•**•.*•.*•.

My alarm went off and I turned over my phone which read 5:45 in large numbers. I groaned, and let out a shriek as I placed a pillow over my face to muffle the sound. I don't want to be up this early, who in their right mind would want to?

I hit snooze and let my eyes shutter into their comfortable closed position. Maybe I could just skip classes and work today. Pull a sick day maybe? No, I can't fuck up the small things going for me.

When the alarm blared again ten minutes later I begrudgingly rolled out of bed and made my way to the shower. the shower was quick and warm, yet didn't do anything in the slightest to alert my senses.

Pulling my skinny jeans on quickly along with a white shirt,I did my best to look in the mirror as little as possible. It was unavoidable as I had to fix my face and hair, which I absolutely loathed.

I didn't take to long, thankfully which gave me enough time to go to the coffee shop down by the lecture hall. I got the largest available, adding an extra shot of caffeine goodness, something I would need to help me get through the day.

.•*.•*.•**•.*•.*•.

By the time my lecture was over my hand was cramped and my mind was fuzzy. The last thing I wanted to do was deal with customers and cats to feed.

My shift was long, one customer ending up sitting on a harmless cat, causing harm to one and quite a scare for the other. When the scared counterpart jumped, there drink left its cup and took place on my front.

I got stares the whole walk home.

When I finally arrived at my building, I decided to have a quick smoke break, so I pulled the nearly empty pack out of my bag. As I inhaled the smoke, I reflected on yet another bad day I had experienced. Speaking to nobody except to wait to their needs, taking endless notes, and having a drink come in contact with my face and chest. What a day.

The more I thought, the more I realized most days I had were like this (minus the drink incident and add any other encounters I experienced). I sighed, and tossed the butt onto the ground and squashed it under my converse sole. I made my way into the lobby and up the stairs, to the place where I could relax.

.•*.•*.•**•.*•.*•.

My relaxing was filled with YouTube watching and doodling on scrap paper, along with eating a bowl of cereal.

By the time all was watched and drawn croodly, it was 11pm. Yet there I sat on my old couch, wide awake yet oh so tired.

Without anything busying my mind, the gears began to churn. Worries of all sorts began to arise, from personal things to those of Dan and Ralph. My hands found there way to my hair, tugging ruthlessly on the roots.

You aren't worth anyone's time.

Dan just talks to you out of pity.

Pity.

Dan is probably dealing with those bullies, being attacked with words and fists.

Hopefully he is alright.

Don't pity him.

It's just love, no pity.

Love? Dan and love?

Love doesn't make sense.

Nothing makes sense.

Nothing.

You are nothing.

You have always been nothing.

Everyone is nothing, we all eventually die.

Death.

It's inevitable, right?

Some sooner than others.

Maybe you'll be sooner.

Would that help anything?

Probably.

Probably, maybe, possibly, who knows?

Dan would.

Dan just pities you.

No he cares.

Nobody cares.

He does.

No.

A noise erupted from my chest, as I continued to process and reprocess all sorts of things. The grip on my hair grew tighter, and my scalp began to ego in pain.

I continued pulling on the strands of blonde, trying to drown out everything, when I heard a noise. A noise I didn't want to drown out, one thing I needed to keep me grounded. It had become my addiction, I craved it, just as I craved sanity.

Dan's voice.

His melodic voice was entwined with that on a keyboard.

"You want alchemy.."

I clung to the words, and my fingers slowly untangled and my mind became tired. It wasn't long until he changed to another song, stumbling over chords as he worked on another masterpiece.

I didn't sleep much, I was much to concerned with clutching onto the muffled tunes coming from Daniel's room.