Everyone playing Cops & Robbers be like: (Damn, I remember playing that as a kid...)
Pierre: Alright, I'm gonna be the grizzled veteran cop, who's past his prime, but keeps working for better social security benefits. Benjamin, you're gonna be the rookie cop that has a drinking problem because you're going through a bitter divorce. And Alexander, you're a convicted bald pedophile that just escaped from prison. Ready? Let's play!
Alexander: Hey, wait a damn minute! Why do I gotta be the stupid pedophile again?
Pierre: Because, Alexander, we can't all be cops, alright? That's not how you play Cops & Robbers after all
Alexander: Well why can't I just be a robber?
Judas: Because you're a Goddamn convicted pedophile, that's your role, for fuck's sake, just follow the Goddamn rules!
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Hedwig riding his bike: Apparently it's some mountain bike, and I have no idea how it works-
Alexander riding a penny-farthing bike: Who wants to get their ass beat in a race?!
Louis: Alexander, nobody's gonna wanna race you with your stupid ass Charlie Chaplin bike
Haytham: We look like a biker gang! How about you guys call me 'Tomahawk'?
Judas: I would rather shit broken glass than call you 'Tomahawk'
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Everyone when Judas, Hedwig, Hugo, Heinrich, and Pierre came out:
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Thomas: So Benjamin lost his suitcase!
Benjamin: Thomas, will you go away?
Thomas: Where did you leave it last?
Benjamin: If I knew that, I wouldn't be fucking looking for it, now would I?
Thomas: Do ya know, this isn't the first case my family has lost this week. Unfortunately my deaf uncle was in court yesterday for drink driving. He lost the hearing.. again-
Benjamin: What are you on about?
Thomas: Ha! Sorry it's hereditary
Benjamin: You don't even have a deaf uncle
Thomas: Shut up... you know, 20 years for drink driving, now that's a hard sentence. Do you wanna hear another hard sentence, Ben?
Benjamin: No, I fucking don't
Thomas: She shells seashells she-....shhh...
Benjamin: What?
Thomas: She sells shesells on the sheshore
Benjamin: See sells she fucking sells sheshells on the she shore!
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Murphy: So everyone thinks I'm a psychopath because I have no empathy
Diana: You don't have any
Murphy: Bullshit! That would mean I feel nothing when I hurt people's feelings, but I actually feel great when I do it
James: You know you're a sick man, Murphy. Even the fucking doctor said so
Murphy: No! The doctor said I'm patient
Alexander: Impatient you dumbass!
Murphy: Stop interrupting me!
Benjamin: And he said your childish
Murphy: Did he?
Benjamin: He did. But you were too busy looking at the penis diagrams on the wall
Murphy: Oh my God he said penis!
Alexander: Murphy, grow up!
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Heinrich finding out that his youngest sister, Gertrude, was taken and is nowhere to be found: Find her. Even if we have to burn down all of Europe!
The King of France, Baptiste Richelieu: When you say 'burn all of Europe' do you mean ALL or, like, some?
Heinrich:
Baptiste:
Heinrich: We're gonna go for you first
Baptiste: WHY?!
Heinrich: Because you've had some major beef with me for years now!!
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Hugo: Robert, Alexander would never spit in your face! *Hugo looks at Alexander, mouthing to him* Alex, did you fucking spit in Robert's face-? You did! Oh, I'm so proud of you!
Robert: Hellooooo? I'm still here-
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Hedwig: Can we stop at McDonald's?
Alexander: No, James is making dinner. And you just went to your doctor's appointment so I don't want you running around
Hedwig: I hate this fucking family!
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Hedwig: Hey bro
Pierre: Hey
Hedwig: So have you and your girlfriend fucked yet, bruh?
Pierre: Nah, not yet bruh
Judas: Stop whispering over there saying 'bruh' like, uh-uh-
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Pierre being interviewed for a job be like:
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Haytham grabbing the bag while Hedwig, Pierre, and Hugo laugh their asses off:
