Change of Heart [a Damian Priest story]

8 Sobbing

Blair POV

I stood in front of the mirror as I brushed my hair. But I did not see myself in it. The only thing I saw were memories, small fragments, of Mom. Again and again I tried to take a deep breath, but I could not. I just couldn't breathe. It was almost like I was drowning.

"Blair sweetheart... Are you ready? We have to go." I heard my uncle say through the door.

Sighing, I set the hairbrush aside and smoothed out my outfit. Then I went to open the door.

"I'll never be ready. But we can leave. Mom would never forgive us if we were late." I said as I tried in vain to sound strong.

Uncle Trent put his arm around my shoulder and together we made our way to the car that was already waiting for us in the driveway.

I don't think my heart had ever felt so heavy. It was almost as if it was filled with lead.

The ride to the cemetery didn't take long. We got out and were already awaited by the rest of the mourners. But I couldn't focus on any of the faces. And it wasn't just because of the veil of tears that covered my eyes.

Rather, I didn't want to see their sad faces. My own grief was already hard enough to bear. 

Even the words that were spoken I hardly got. With everything I had I tried to pull myself together. But I already felt how the dam began to break. I sobbed loudly.

The sight of the coffin was suddenly too much for me. I could not bear it any longer.

It took less than 10 seconds until I was suddenly pulled into strong arms. I didn't even have to look up to see who it was. Without even a glance I knew it was Damian, pulling me tightly to his chest while I cried. Just like he had done last week. I let my tears run free as I wrapped my arms around him. Again, I tried to take deep breaths. And this time... this one time I actually succeeded. Maybe it had something to do with his familiarity. His presence calmed me down a little bit. Just enough to allow me to breathe.

Together we all watched as my mother's coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. The first notes of Amazing Grace rang out, just as Mom had wanted. But for me, it felt like another stab in the heart. What was I going to do without her? At the moment I didn't know, but I was sure that she would always be there for me.

"I'm right here... I got you." Damian whispered in my ear before pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

And it made me so glad. For the first time since we broke up, I felt that connection between us again. I knew, deep inside me, that this had to have a reason, that he truly wanted to be there for me.

But I had no time to think about it. The funeral was hardly over and I was already surrounded by countless people. They tried to comfort me with their words. Yet again, I hardly listened. My eyes remained on Damian. How he stood there with his hands buried deep in his pockets when he didn't let me out of his sight.

Maybe it was for the best... because I didn't know how to feel at the moment. All I needed now was time. Not only to sort out all of Mom's matters, but also to bring order to the chaos of my feelings.