Unfortunately for Him(dazai angst fr)

˚₊‧꒰ა 1 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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Dazai tossed and turned in his bed violently. He couldn't sleep. This happens a LOT.
Dazai has a habit of not eating for days or weeks or even longer if he can. Does he do it on purpose? Yes but he'd never admit it to someone. He barely admits it to himself. He's had body issues since he was a young boy. He hates how he looks. He constantly feels he isn't thin enough even if he is concerningly small.

This habit has downsides though. The emptiness in his stomach and urges to just eat keep him up at night. It doesnt help that to avoid eating he sleeps in the day. It is also problematic that because of this sleep schedule he doesnt show up at work....

Dazai halts his movements and just stares blankly at his ceiling fan. It spins rapidly making a slight buzzing sound as it does.
He's cold.
He groans and turns over to check his phone.
Its 6:34am...
He didnt sleep a wink.

Dazai sighs and rolls out of bed lazily and falls onto his trash and laundry covered floor.
Sleeping to not have time to eat also means sleeping to not have time to clean.
He shuffles over to his light switch and turns off just the fan. He doesnt even have a light bulb anyways. He shivers a bit at the sudden temperature change.

He searches for his door knob in his pitch black bedroom. In all honesty, it looks like it should be closed off for hazardous waste. He opens his room door and groggily rubs his eyes while stumbling to the bathroom. He trips over himself a bit since its so dark in his apartment.

Slowly, but surely, he arrives to his restroom. He turns on the light, momentarily stunned because of how bright it was. He looks into the mirror. To put it nicely, he looks rough. His hair hasnt been brushed in weeks, he hasnt brushed his teeth in days, and not to mention his dirty ass clothes. He inspects himself in the mirror, furrowing his eyebrows. He lifts up his shirt over his head and turns to the side. He doesnt like what he sees. What he sees is a body he despises. It feels wrong. He hates it and thats putting it nicely.

He sits there thinking to himself that "Im not skinny enough" and "Im so fat" and "Why cant i just look how i want." He judges himself harshly while others see a small sick man who has clearly been hurt in more ways than one.

He unwraps his bandages slowly and carefully.
He's littered with small and big, healed and fresh, cuts. He knows its bad but he feels he deserves it. He doesnt enjoy the pain from them but he likes the injury. He likes the scar it leaves, the look of them, he likes to feel like hes getting what he deserves from everything hes done. Dont forget the neck bruising. And yet he hates the pain? Hes a strange man and even he can admit it.

He stops looking in the mirror, beginning to feel sick at himself, and continues to undress to shower.

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• Time Skip(meow)
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Dazai is in his bed room now, trying to find something clean to wear. With a long struggle, he finds a nice buttoned shirt, an okay vest, and clean-ish pants. Of course you can forget his classic coat (definitely not washed for a longggg time.)

He sets foot into his possibly grosser than bed room living room + kitchen, grabs his keys, puts on his shoes, and his off for the day to finally go to work...

End Chp 1 !
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *. .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．. •
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Notes - AGH im never ever ever gonna update this istg im so lazy i was bored trying to get through this. Its a miracle if i update:333 i will try not to let you down i swear(i dont swear)