Hidden Miracles • Tyler Joseph •

🦒 TWO

"You should go up and speak." His mother whispered in his ear. Tyler blankly stared at the dead grass below his feet. Why should he speak? And what could he say that they all didn't already know? Selene was gone and she would never graced the world with her beauty again.

But as he found himself standing and making his way towards the front of the crowd. Tyler knew this needed to be done.

He needed to get ahold of some kind of closure. Closing this chapter of his life seemed daunting and it gave him the feeling of wanting to flee.

Gathering what little strength he had, Tyler took slow and careful steps toward Selene's casket. The two wooden lids were securely sealed shut on the ivory box. He averted his gaze from her final resting place to address the audience. His mouth felt dry. His fingertips drummed rhythmically against his thigh. Time seemed to stretch as he fought to find the right words. What could he say to engrave an impactful meaning? In context of his career, it was fairly simple. But this? Impossible.

"My wife...was the most breathtaking person on this planet." He paused to wipe the sweat from his palms onto his pants. "I loved her from the second she asked what music I played." He allowed a small smile to creep onto his face. It was a familiar question but Selene had desperately wanted to crack the secret of the band's genre. He glanced up and searched Josh's eyes for the same emotion he was experiencing. "She was- is my whole world and my world stopped when she died. But I will never stop loving her." He finished but before he returned to his seat, he paused next to Selene's casket and planted a final kiss to the light colored wood. "I love you." He whispered, his voice cracking with the force of sadness he was fighting back. His eyes blurred with tears and a pained sob escaped his lips. He knelt down beside the casket and pressed his forehead to the cool wood.

     • 🦒     •

Tyler and his family all congregated in his house. Feeling overwhelmed and a bit irritated, he separated himself from the group and slipped upstairs. He wanted to get to his bedroom and sleep. He was both emotionally and mentally exhausted. He plodded across the cream carpet as his black dress shoes scuffed the carpet. One more door to go before he made it to his safe haven.

A muffled wail erupted from behind the closed door he was passing by. He halted in his footsteps at the noise as it continued to grow louder with each passing second. He glanced at the white wooden door and then turned his head back towards the stairs he had just climbed. His intention was to call to his mother to see to the baby but, the more time that passed, each cry tugged at his heart. His daughter needed him. She was his responsibility, not his mother's burden. He had to step up eventually, right?

His right hand had already moved to the doorknob without a second thought. He slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open. His heart thudded in his chest as he stepped into the nursery. He hadn't stepped into the room for two weeks, when he and Selene had applied the final touches to the room. He spied the white and pink giraffe ornament he had bought, hanging from the name plaque they had ordered months ago.

Adelaide Elizabeth Joseph.

The name had been tied to a beautiful moment and now it caused pain. He shook his head to clear the terrible thoughts away. His daughter had nothing to do with Selene's death. Or did she? His legs carried him into the room and next to the crib. He peered down at his tiny daughter. Her body was a flurry of movements as her legs and arms waved wildly as she continued wailing. "Hey, little one." He spoke softly, reaching down and carefully scooped her up in his arms. He remembered to support her head just as they had learned in birth class. The tiniest of smiles formed on his lips as he examined Adelaide. Her chestnut brown hair swooped neatly on her head, so much like his own. Her cries began to soften as he gently rocked her. "Ssh, I've got you. Daddy's got you and everything will be alright."

Tyler let the soothing words soak into his head. Everything would be alright. He could do this. Adelaide would grow up knowing love and happiness. He silently vowed that to her as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I love you Adelaide." He barely murmured, watching her eyes slip closed. Just a simple action of admiring her being soothed, it gave him hope. "I'll watch over her Selene. I promise."

"She knows you'll take care of her. You'll be a great father." At his mother's voice, Tyler turned to face her. He chewed on his bottom lip and gazed uncertainly at the sleeping infant. "But...What if I can't do everything for her? She needs her mother too." He remarked quietly, his eyes flickering up to his mother once again. Kelly walked into the room and placed a hand on his back. "Ty, you can give her the world. You aren't alone. You can always call one of us for help." She said, reaching up to kiss his temple. He nodded a little.

"Will you stay for a few more days?" He asked. His mother smiled. "I'll come back in the morning, okay?" She held up a finger once Tyler had opened his mouth to object.

"You need to spend some time with your daughter. Alone." She said. He glanced down at his sleeping daughter. "O-Okay." He muttered nervously and swallowed hard. "I'll call if I can't deal with it."

Kelly smiled tenderly. "You'll be fine, sweetie. I wrote down a list of essential things like how to make her bottles." She remarked before leaving the nursery. Tyler gently maneuvered Adelaide into her crib and rested his hand against his chest as he watched her sleep peacefully. "Sleep well, baby girl." He whispered. He left the nursery, leaving the door cracked and sauntered into his room. It was silent. The entire house was silent.

He sat down on the foot of the bed, burying his face into his hands. "How am I supposed to do this?" He asked aloud, groaning in frustration. He rubbed his face and crawled to the head of the bed, sliding under the blankets. Even the bed wasn't the same without Selene. He rolled over and buried his face into her pillow. Her smell had already begun to fade and that made his heart shatter into a million pieces. "I love you so much baby." He whispered into the velvety fabric and closed his eyes. Tears begin to soak into the fabric as his body shook with uncontrollable sobs. He cried until his chest ached from each gasping breath. He grabbed a fistful of the sheet, wanting something to ground him. He was still convinced this all was a horrible nightmare. He wanted, no, needed to wake up.

After several minutes, Tyler's sobs calmed into silent tears and soft sniffling. His eyes were burning and probably very bloodshot but he didn't care. He wanted to stay awake, afraid he'd see Selene again. Eventually though, he couldn't fight the weariness plaguing his body. He gave in and allowed his eyes slip closed. Soon his body relaxed and he drifted into sleep.