Hidden Miracles • Tyler Joseph •

🦒 THREE

In the early hours of the following morning, Tyler had woken up to Adelaide crying once again. It was the sixth or so time since he had put her down to sleep. He lifted his head but made no attempt to move any other part of his body or open his eyes even. He sighed tiredly and pushed himself up onto his knees. He opened his eyes and could feel how irritated they were. He had only managed to sleep two hours from the last time he was up until now. How long could he do this on his own? He already felt beyond exhausted.

Adelaides' cries seemed to get louder with each passing moment. He sighed heavily and dragged himself out of bed. With his eyes half opened, Tyler shuffled out of his room and into the nursery. His balance offset by his sleepiness so it made his movements a little too far left and then to the right before finally shuffling back to the middle again. In any other context he might've looked utterly drunk. But no, he was just a new father.

"I'm coming baby girl. What's the matter now?" He asked his daughter as he leaned into her crib and scooped her up gently. He first checked her diaper and hummed, grimacing. "Let's change you and then we can make you a bottle." He said.

He buckled the newborn to her changing table before grabbing a fresh diaper out of the designated diaper bin from the storage shelf. He peered down at Adelaide as her cries had become less. Her wide blue eyes darted one way and then another. "Hey there, pretty girl. It's alright now." He smiled lovingly at the small infant. It was beautiful to see her explore the world despite her lack of knowledge already. She was taking things in and he was fascinated watching her. Once she had been changed, he carried her downstairs to the kitchen. "I bet you're hungry. It's been a couple hours since you've eaten." He remarked as he measured out her formula to prepare her bottle. He walked into the living room as he shook her bottle before he sat on the couch. He slipped the bottle into the baby's mouth and watched her in fascination as she calmly drank. He hated how quiet the house was. It reminded him that he was alone. His eyes scanned the portraits of he and Selene. The one of their wedding day and how flawless Selene had looked. The silly photo of Selene kissing his cheek while he had scrunched up his face. The few ultrasound photos of when they had found out about the pregnancy, the gender reveal as well as the day he had snuck a photo of Selene when she was showing off her baby bump at seven months. He could see Selene in every inch of their house and recall every memory they had created together. He missed her. He hadn't realized he had started crying until a stray tear dripped onto his hand that was holding the bottle.

"God, I miss you so much that it hurts." He whispered into the silence and sniffled. He pulled the bottle away from Adelaides' mouth and positioned her against his chest, patting her back. He hadn't attempted to stop himself from crying. He had cried so much now that he just allowed the tears to fall. His heart still ached and he was convinced it would stay that way forever.

The minutes ticked by and the dark clouds in Tyler's mind threatened to break. A catastrophic storm brewing inside his head. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and clumsily found Josh's contact before hitting call. He needed his best friend right now even at two in the morning. They had always promised to have each other's back in tough times. This was one of those times. He cradled his phone between his ear and shoulder as he gently rocked Adelaide. He presumed by her stillness that she was fast asleep now. Josh had finally picked up on the third ring.

"Tyler? You okay man?"His groggy, muffled tone coming from the phone. Josh had been asleep and he felt a surge of guilt at the realization.

"H-Hey J. I'm...I'm sorry for waking you up, I just...It's so quiet here and...I can't handle it. It's making things worse." Tyler rambled. He could hear rustling from the other side of the line and assumed Josh was getting into a more comfortable position. "It's okay Ty. You need me and that's what we do for each other, right?" Josh prompted, a small smile evident in his voice. Tyler nodded weakly even though Josh couldn't see him. He blinked away the fresh stinging of tears in his eyes. "Y-Yeah. The baby is asleep and I started looking at all of our pictures and...I miss her." He croaked out, closing his eyes as the tears trailed down his cheeks. Josh was silent for a moment, allowing Tyler to unleash his sadness once more.

"I'm so sorry Ty. I wish I could help ease your pain. Would you like me to come over?" Josh asked. "N-No, it's two in the morning. My mom is supposed to be coming over to help later on. You could come over then, if you want?" Tyler suggested, shifting the baby a bit so her head was pressed against the side of his neck. The warmth of her soft skin and the sweet newborn scent helped to calm his distress.

"Sure, I'll come about eight? Make us some breakfast? And we can be lazy and watch movies all day?" Josh offered. Tyler smiled at the suggestion. Maybe a chill day with his best friend and daughter was just what he needed at the moment. "Sounds great. Thanks J."

"Always, my brother. Go get some rest and I'll see you at eight." He said before the line went silent. Tyler sighed in relief and slid his phone back into his pocket. He cradled his daughter in his arms again and stood from the couch, carefully climbing the stairs.

Tyler gently laid the sleeping infant back into her crib and checked that the baby monitor was still working properly. He exited the nursery, pulling the door closed but his hand remained on the knob. He wasn't tired anymore and despite his eyes still feeling irritated, he headed down stairs again. But he kept walking, passed the kitchen and down a short hallway. He opened the door to the basement, pulling it open and flicking the light on. He scurried down the stairs and immediately felt a little more at peace. His studio was his safe place where he could release his emotions and nurture it into his creativity. He crossed the room to his desk. His sock covered feet creating soft thuds as he walked. He needed to write. It would help him sort out his feelings. It was his personal therapy.