Jeanine Matthews- An Unlikely Love Story

Ch. 7- Jeanine's POV + AN

I want to thank everyone who has read this fanfic so much! I never considered myself a very good writer, but I always enjoyed doing it, and to have 1K reads is simply amazing! I can't believe so many people would check out my work. Thank you all very much for choosing my little old story to read; it truly made my day. ❤

Viewer discretion is advised for this chapter because Sage's gender is revealed. This chapter does not contain explicit content.

I awoke with a start in the hospital and felt the bed beside me was bitterly cold and empty, just like my life. I remembered Sage being there and my eyes began to well up with tears at the thought of the initiate leaving me alone, like Andrew Prior had one evening twenty years ago.

Without thinking, I called out the name, "Sage?" I covered my mouth and the tears began to flow. I couldn't bear to be left alone again by someone I was acquiring feelings for.

When no one replied, I began to remember the dream I had had. There was an ominously dark, empty room, with only a sole chair in what appeared to be the center, highlighted by a stream of light, which had no apparent source.

I moved to the chair, and a person slowly began to appear. When I stepped back a few steps, the chair remained empty. I moved closer and closer, and the person became more and more opaque. When I stood mere inches from the back of the metal chair, the person became clear to me. It was Sage. Sage didn't look back at me and sat as still as the trees on a windless winter day. I began to wonder if the initiate was paralyzed and went around to the front of the chair and felt my heart not only break, but begin to beat faster with fear.

Sitting in front of me was no longer Sage, but a body that had been experimented on one too many times and inscribed in the right arm was Divergent. The once beautifully dark eyes were blank and pale. The lips, a pale blue, only starting to decay. The rest of the body was indescribable, even for my vast vocabulary. The only word that fitted the situation was mutilated.

I dropped to the floor on my knees and let out a loud sob. There was nothing I could do to save Sage, and I knew it was all my fault for the body that sat limp in the chair.

Just as the dream was about to end and continue onto another, the body sprung to life, and looked at me in all of its oddities and screamed, "How could you do this, Jeanine?"

How could you do this Jeanine?

The dream, just like many others, was very unlikely to occur, but that didn't stop me from sobbing even more as I remembered it. Did I really do that to the innocent child? Why would I do that to the girl? Surely she couldn't be Divergent... It must be the medication... Despite believing it was the drugs, I couldn't control myself, and let out a few audible sobs, as to which the bathroom door opened.

I continued to cry even when I saw the bathroom door continue to open slowly. Part of me hoped it was Sage, but I knew better than to think someone would stay with me.

As the door opened fully, I could see the person, I stopped abruptly as I saw that it was Sage. She stood in the doorway to the small bathroom with a look of confusion and caution. Though I knew telepathic communication was only theoretically possible, I tried it to get the girl to stay. I wasn't exactly sure why I had feelings for a female initiate in the first place; it was despicable of me to want her so badly. I just didn't want to be alone and with someone who just wanted me for sexual contact. I had had enough of men like that in my past...

After a pause of glances between one another, Sage made a move towards the door. I tried to speak, but only let out a small noise in an attempt.

I cleared my throat and spoke up, "Must you leave?"

"This is wrong, J- Ms. Matthews," The initiate said lightly at first but then became more firm at the end. I shuddered visibly at the fact that she used my last name instead of my first, a true sign I believed in the hopeless.

"It doesn't have to be," I started to say, hopefully.

"But it is! How can you not see that?! I know you aren't thick. You must be on too much medication or something to not be able to see clearly that I am an initiate and much younger than you. For all you know, I could very well end up factionless, especially because of this." Sage said, especially flustered. I realized I was doing this all wrong; I couldn't beg her to stay like this, injured from a good-for-nothing son-of-a-bitch. She wouldn't believe that I truly had feelings for her until I was off of the medication, though I was fairly certain my mind was clear enough to know the difference between my normal self, and med self.

The next thing I said to the initiate made my heart break.

"You're right, initiate, I don't need you. These medications must have altered my perception greatly, which must have made you seem like someone who would be there for me in my time of need, but I was terribly wrong. You are not what I need at all," I said in my usual tone I used when around anyone I distrusted. Sage ran out of the room with her eyes becoming glassy, and I broke down, yet again. How could I be so cruel? I wanted to tell her how much I wanted to see her safe and happy, but my self-conscious and pride worked together to make sure my representation was flawlessly in order, medication or not.

My tears continued to fall as one of the nurses came into the room to check if things were alright.

"Is everything going alright for you, Ms. Matthews?" She asked.

"It is none of your business what goes on in my personal life," I snapped.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, it's just that the transfer who ran out of here was crying, and I thought I'd ask how you were doing," The nurse explained innocently.

"Leave me," I demanded and the nurse left without another word.

I lied back onto my pillow and let the tears stream from my eyes once more.

What had I done?