Loving Kinnick (Rewritten 2023)

Chapter Sixteen

Kinnick waited for me to step through my front door every time he dropped me off. My hand lifted, giving him one last wave before I closed the door to my house. I twisted the lock as promised before slipping from his truck. I peered through the window of my front door to see him drive away with one last glance in my direction as if he were waiting for me to reappear.

 The cool air made it impossible for me to get warm, and somewhere during our trip, Kinnick lent me his jacket. After intense cardio, I wasn't sure if I could make it to his fight tonight. I found it difficult to walk up the steps to my porch. He promised a light workout was ideal for a fight, but if that was a light workout, I worried about what he considered intense.

 I reached into the pocket of my sweatpants to grab my phone as it vibrated against my thigh to find Kinnick's name flashing across the screen. "Hello?"

 "Are you safe?"

 "You watched me walk through the door."

 "I wanted to make sure no one was lurking in any of the closets."

 "Well, there was," I bit my lip. "But now they're tied up after experiencing a serious beat down from one of the best boxers."

 "That's my girl." My stomach started doing flips. "I'll pick you up in an hour, okay?"

 I nodded before I realized he couldn't see me. "Okay."

 "Do you promise you are okay?"

 "I promise."

 "Good," he muttered. "I'll see you soon."

 Without saying another word, I pulled the phone from my face to end the call. I stared at the time on the screen, wondering why I couldn't breathe. A scream of excitement left my lips as I danced in circles around the living room. The six-foot-six man calmed my heart as much as he made it race, and I still tried to figure out how it was possible.

 When I reached the shower, I started talking as if my mom were sitting there listening. Sometimes when I sang, she would stand on the other side of the door. My mom used to tell me nothing made her happier than to see me experiencing life. She used to tell me nothing made her feel more alive than seeing me happy.  

 How could I forget her coming to my room in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep? She would climb in next to me on my bed. We would stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and make memories at midnight. I would ask her about the universe and how I played a part in its existence. She always knew I was destined for something spectacular, but when I asked her what her purpose was, she said being a mother.

 My mom found pride in knowing she birthed me. Everyone said how badly she wanted pregnancy and how much she begged for the opportunity to bear a child. She truly believed her only purpose was having me. The way she looked at me told me it was true. Nobody would ever love me like she did. No one could ever love someone as much as she loved me. And because nobody can replace that, there is a hole inside of me that will never be filled.

 Just as the shower water started chilling my body, I realized I used all the hot water, recalling memories of my mom instead of washing the sweat from my skin. So, despite the freezing temperatures, I scrubbed. I ran the loofa over my body until it created streaks of red because my mom lived her whole life waiting to birth me, and yet I was the reason she died.

 My hand twisted the nozzle to stop the water supply. I stared at the small droplets falling from the faucet until it dried out. The cool air hitting my back only made standing here worst, but I reminded myself, I deserved to feel every ounce of pain.

 I ripped a towel down from the rack to cover myself before entering my room. The girl staring back at me as I passed the mirror looked like she had been crying, but I don't remember when I ever let a tear fall. Sometimes it happened without realizing it. I did it so much, though, that sometimes I grew numb to the feeling.

 It worried me that when Kinnick arrived, he would ask questions. So, I tried to distract myself from the thoughts I had while in the shower by flipping on music. It helped me find an outfit quicker than I thought. Somehow, I ended up in a black fitted top, tucked into a pair of light blue jeans with a leather jacket, and black boots to match. I didn't care too much about fixing my curls—it would only remind me of her. So, I threw them into a bun on the top of my head because I knew she hated it when I didn't embrace my hair.

 My buzzing phone stole my attention. "Hello?"

 "Are you ready? I'm down the street," Kinnick's voice came through.

 I clicked the lock button to see the time. "I hadn't realized it was that time yet."

 "It's okay." His soothing tone made it easier to breathe. "I'll be waiting for you whenever you are ready."

 "No, no, I'm ready," I blurted. "I just couldn't believe how fast time went by."

 "I always remind myself to stop living in my head and to be present," he spoke. "It is easier said than done, but it's a nice reminder."

 "I'm nervous, that's all."

 "I won't let anything happen to you."

 "I know."

 "I am here, so, whenever you are ready, meet me outside. Okay?"

 I pulled back my curtain to see his truck rolling to a halt in front of my house. "Okay."

 With one last glance at my appearance, I snatched my purse from my bedside table. The puffiness in my face disappeared, but as I hurried down the stairs, I practiced smiling. It felt heavy on my cheeks, so I tried harder until it felt as if I had been happy all day. When I opened the front door, the blue-eyed boxer was leaning against his truck.

 "Miss Bennett," he popped the passenger door open.

 As I approached him, my toes curled. "Hi."

 "Are you ready?"

 He waited for my nod of approval before stepping behind me. I sucked in a deep breath as his fingers found themselves around my waist again. My shoes left the ground as he lifted me into the leather seats of his truck. Before I could reach for my belt buckle, he turned me to stand in between my legs.

 "You don't have to be nervous."

 I fiddled with my fingers. "I hate big crowds."

 "You will sit with the team, away from everyone else," his fingers grazed my outer thighs. "We will use the private entrance to the arena, and I will make sure you're in your seat before the fight to avoid the crowds."

 "Thank you."

 "No, thank you for coming."

 "I wouldn't miss it for the world."