Are you even mine?

Guilt

Author's POV

The last month was quite hectic for Amit. He lost the only person he was close to to a brain hemorrhage, his uncle, Mahendra Shekhawat.

From crying endlessly while sitting beside his bed to leaving his home for a couple of weeks to heal himself in the mountains, he had tried everything. But nothing worked. The cremation procedures were the hardest for him since he had never witnessed death so closely. 

He used to be a simple boy who was never shown how harsh the world was. And how pathetic death could be. His window view was always green. Peaceful and calm.

His uncle's death tolled happiness from his life leaving him shattered and scared. He was afraid, afraid of losing anyone he thought he was close to. The person who once carried him on his shoulder when he was a child was lying lifeless on his shoulders now. Once wrongly spilled hot milk had scarred his thigh, he knew what a burning sensation felt like. And to just stand and witness his favorite person set ablaze and turn into ashes, he was never ready for it. Tears did leave his eyes but sorrow silenced him. Mahendra wasn't his father, he was just his uncle then why did he cry for him, you would ask? Why don't you question when a wife mourns her in-laws' demise? Why don't you question when a friend mourns his friend's demise? And about Mahendra, he was Amit's blood relation. And grieving for his loss was something that Amit was entitled to from his birth.

 It wasn't the death of his uncle that scared him, it was the reality of losing people unexpectedly that shook his core. He was afraid of losing Shaina. 

He decided to move to the mountains so that he could comprehend the loss of his family. He moved to Shimla, to his brother Arvind. According to Amit, he was the only one who knew what it felt like to meet someone for the last time. 

Arvind's POV:

Amit has been here for almost a month now. Of all the cousins, he was the one who was the closest to him. Chacha Ji picked and dropped him from school throughout his elementary education. I won't be lying if I said Chacha Ji was more of a parent to him. I still remember how  Amit would not let any of us play with Chachaji because he feared we would befriend him and he would forget about him eventually. We all lost the same person, but his loss was more than us.

 He mentioned how he couldn't bear the ambiance of the house and wanted to escape. I called him here. I will let him stay here until he joins college. His condition did improve. He doesn't look at the mountains and cry for the whole night anymore. I asked him to journal his thoughts but he refused. Now, he just sits by the balcony's fence and talks to the stars. He talks to Chacha ji sometimes and sometimes to the moon about someone named Shiny. I know from the references that she is a girl. He fears losing her. He fears never getting to see her again. He complains about death. 

The other day he asked about Ruchika and how I moved on from her. Little does he know, Ruchika is still in my prayers and that I long to see her again. But he is mistaken. He thinks to break up and death are the same. No, they are not. I know what Ruchika is doing right now, I have her whereabouts and I still have the chance of going back to her. I know she will accept me again if I move to the USA. On the other hand, death means a separation where you can never meet that person again. He is gone. You either learn to move on or stay grieving forever. There is never a second chance in death. You can't fix death.

"Bhaiya, can I go back to Delhi?", he said coming to me. The moisture hadn't left his eyes yet. "You sure you don't need more time?", I asked for assurance. He nodded a "No" indirectly trying to yeet his tears that threatened to fall anytime. "Okay then. Leave after two hours. You will reach by evening.", I gently squeezed his shoulders pulling his chin up, "I don't know who Shiny is but don't worry, she won't leave you.". A faint smile appeared on his face."AHhh...I see, my brother's in love." He sniffed while avoiding eye contact. He was blushing.