Lost

Chapter 4

As he warps to the fountain Steven feels a small amount of relief. Corrupted gems can't use the warp system, he remembers, so he must not be corrupted. Yet. Following the path he and the gems have been maintaining to keep the fountain accessible, Steven looks around himself. The morning is beautiful, the rose bushes are in bloom, and there's butterflies all over the place fluttering here and there. The bushes his mom planted here many years ago must be very happy now, based on the sheer amount of flowers. Steven almost feels like he's walking through some sort of botanical garden, or butterfly sanctuary. He finds it somewhat relaxing, until the fountain comes into view. Walking up to and around the fountain he wonders if this was a good idea. The statues of Rose Quartz make him feel more tense and uncomfortable, bringing up thoughts and emotions about his mother that he's not quite ready to face yet. Still, the fountain is beautiful and the sound of running water is soothing. Turning away, he picks a direction and makes his way into the bushes and trees surrounding the area, cautious of the thorns on the rose bushes. He hopes to find a somewhat secluded spot to relax. It doesn't take him long to find a perfect little clearing not too far, but out of view of the fountain. Deciding to relax here he takes off his jacket and hangs it on a low-hanging branch. Sitting down cross legged he makes himself comfortable, forming the meditation pose Garnet taught Stevonnie.

He takes a deep breath, "Think of just, flexibility, love and trust."

...

...

...He can't relax. He's so tense that every rustle, chirp, or flap of wings makes him jump. His heart just can't seem to calm and his mind just can't settle. He's beginning to feel sick to his stomach, probably because he didn't eat anything before he left. He's been sitting here for over an hour now, the sun has fully risen in the sky and the forest around him is alive with the calls of animals. He just can't relax. It's like every time he feels his muscles start to loosen up, something makes a noise, or an unpleasant memory bubbles up, making his muscles tense all over again. Sighing, Steven stands, stretching his numb legs, and walks back to the fountain. Maybe a soak in the cool healing water will soothe his nerves. Before climbing in he checks his reflection in the water. Still the same, though it's possible more pink fuzz has spread to his face. It's hard to see in the rippling water. He reaches up and touches his jawline. Sure enough there's a soft fuzz covering his skin, leading down from his ears. It's along his jaw, and beginning to travel down his neck. His irises are still pink with, diamond shaped pupils. The stress starts building again, he watches as his diamond pupils shrink to pinpricks as the sensation of panic begins in his gut and chest. Gritting his teeth he glances up at the statue of Rose Quartz, hands gripping the edge of the fountain, nearly hard enough to crack the stone.

"Why is this happening to me? I thought I was doing good, fixing the problems you left me. I thought I was finally done with them. After everything you put me, and the gems, through, shouldn't I finally get a break? Shouldn't I finally get to relax and enjoy the peace I worked so hard for? Did you do this on purpose? Design me to fix all your problems, then turn into some sort of monster!? Is that it!? AM I YOUR LAST PROBLEM!?" He gasps, staring down into the water, tears streaming down his face.

"I can't fix myself, can I?"

Suddenly Steven can't breathe, his chest feels too tight. He takes gasping breaths, hand on his chest. The ringing in his ears returns, and along with it the pain from before. He's scared, so scared, and alone. It feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. The more scared he becomes, the more the pain spreads. From his head to his chest, down his back and all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes. He feels like he's going mad, he can't think clearly. This was a bad idea. He stumbles blindly away from the fountain back to his clearing, his vision so blurry he can barely make out his jacket still hung on the branch. Collapsing to the ground Steven cries, his tears soaking the earth beneath him.

"Someone please help!" he cries, weakly. He can't move anymore.

Gradually memories begin flashing before his eyes, each one playing out as if in a dream before blurring and burning away, as if his very being was being consumed by fire. His first time playing the ukulele with his dad. Fire. The day he moved in with the gems. Burned. The first time he saw Connie at the parade. Sinders. Many more memories, old and new, vanishing one by one in agony. Sadie and Shep, Funland, the Diamonds, the Cool Kids, Little Homeworld, the Off Colors, the Big Donut, Connie, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, the temple, Lars, and lastly, his Dad. All gone. Leaving him with one singular thought.

"Who am I?"

He lets loose a broken scream as literal pink fire erupts from his body, scorching the clearing around him. Tears pour from his eyes as he can feel his body changing, shifting and growing. Limbs twisting and stretching in ways human tissue isn't meant to. He can hear his clothing being torn as his body changes, and the shreds being burned away by the pink fire emanating from him. The smell of burning hair fills the air, and his cries turn into whines and growls as his face changes shape.

He's not sure how long he's been like this before the pain and fire began to subside. Has he laid here for minutes? Hours? The flames are beginning to shrink and go out, leaving scorched earth and plants around him, except for one small circular space, just big enough for him, covered in fresh moss and flowers. Whimpering he curls up into a ball on the soft moss, and lets sleep take him. As he sleeps, the earth beneath him begins to grow fresh moss, and flowers. Slowly healing, but some scars remain.