Lost

Chapter 15

After the Diamonds leave everyone gathers back in the beach house. Steven is laying partially under the coffee table by the couch. His eyes are closed but the subtle twitching of his muscles at every sound betrays him, showing he's awake and on edge. They all do the, now familiar, routine of making themselves comfortable around the open space of the beach house's main floor.

"White, despite the disaster that was, gave us some potentially valuable insight into Steven's current state of mind." Pearl starts, hands folded in front of her, "There's some sort of blockage keeping his memories from him. He does remember a few things though. Namely Amethyst, Nephrite, Chaaaps, and White herself. What I don't understand is why them and not, anything else?"

The room is silent as everyone wracks their brains for a connection. Could it be gems? Chaaaps aren't gem related. Could it be food? White doesn't eat as far as anyone knows.

"Could it be... his emotions?" Connie suggests. The room looks to her in confusion, it seems too abstract, so she elaborates, pacing as she does, much like Peridot had before. "Steven's a very emotionally driven person for one thing, so think of it like this: Chaaaps are his favorite snack, I bet he'd remember Cookie Cats if we had any. Steven loves his Chaaaps more than nearly any other food. Next Amethyst, she's the closest Steven has ever had to a sister." She looks over, speaking directly to Amethyst. "You were raised together, you would have been his first friend, and you're definitely his best gem friend."

Amethyst looks down at Steven, still half covered by the coffee table. His breathing has evened out, telling her that he's most likely fallen asleep. Thinking about all the times she picked on Steven when he was younger, she feels bad. He's always cared deeply for her as his family and she didn't always treat him the greatest. She also feels a surge of pride for how far they've both come, and how strong their relationship is now. Strong enough to break through even corruption.

Connie continues, "Nephrite as Centi was the first corruption Steven fought, then she became like a sort of pet he bonded tightly with even if they were only together for a short while. You know how quickly he gets attached to cute animals. He was then with her for her partial recovery, where he befriended her, then after she was healed they became close friends." She pauses in her pacing, "Then there's White Diamond. Everyone else has, at least mostly, positive emotions tied to his memories of them. White however... I think he remembered her because she's the cause of his most traumatic experience." She crosses her arms and stares at the floor. The memories of watching Steven's gem be ripped from his body, then his body being unceremoniously dropped to the floor, make her shudder. To this day she has the occasional nightmare about it, but her mom has made sure she's seen a therapist and she's mostly just grateful her Jam Bud is still here today.

Connie is drawn from her thoughts by a confused Lapis, "What does that mean, 'most traumatic experience'?"

Connie frowns at the group, "That time in White's head."

They all exchange confused looks and Lapis speaks up again, "How was that his worst experience? When we got there everyone was smiling and talking like normal." The gems all nod in agreement.

Connie's eyes widen in realization and shock, "He... never told you... did he?" she whispers.

Garnet steps closer to Connie, "Told us what?"

Connie hesitates, slowly looking around at everyone in the room. Everyone looks worried, though Greg mostly looks confused, which makes sense she supposes, he's not usually involved in gem stuff and he wasn't on Homeworld with them. She debates internally, it's not her place to be telling them something so impactful and personal to Steven, plus there must be an important reason he chose not to say anything. She reasons with herself, if it helps him in the long run, helps them help him, then it's worth it. Even if he gets mad at her later. Even if he never wants to speak to her again. She shudders at the thought.

So she takes a deep breath and tells them what happened. How, while under White's control Amethyst Pearl and Garnet attacked them. How she spoke to him and spoke through them, manipulated and spoke down to him. She told them about Pearl being used to attack her, while Garnet and Amethyst pinned Steven in place, then how Pearl held her captive after defeating her. She told them, to their growing horror, of White grabbing Steven, pinning him in one of her hands and, with her long black nails, pried his gem from his belly.

The gems and Greg all look positively sick. Amethyst gets up and runs to the bathroom, actually sick and now regretting eating the old leftovers and motor oil from the fridge this morning. When everyone has settled once again Connie finishes the story, telling them about White dropping him, Steven regaining consciousness, but clearly something being awfully wrong with him, though to this day she's not sure if he was just weak or downright dying without his gem. Then she tells about his gem reforming as him and the struggle to return the two halves of the boy to himself and White's reactions and subsequent temper tantrum. Everyone's fear eases somewhat when she tells them of Steven rejoining and fusing back into himself, laughing and hugging himself, and promptly telling White off. Ending with his conversation with her shortly before they all awoke and the others joined them.

"I don't understand why he never told us!..." Pearl paces now, panicking and unable to keep still. Amethyst nods in agreement, still looking a little sickly.

Greg, unusually serious for him, gestures at the gems and says, "This right here might be why." Disturbed eyes all turn to him, practically demanding an explanation. "He probably didn't want you to panic and worry too much, then there was everything with Homeworld, restructuring and whatever you all did. He put dealing with it on the back burner, so to speak. Humans do it all the time, and it's not healthy if it's never dealt with." He sighs, looking even older, "He probably didn't tell me because, even though I'll always support him, when it came to gem stuff I always ran the other way..." Greg straightens, squaring his shoulders and looks down at his sleeping son. "Well not this time. My son needs me, needs us, and we need to do whatever we need to, to save him."

After some more light discussion the group parts ways for the evening. Connie returns home on Lion, still questioning whether she did the right thing or not, while Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis return to Little Homeworld. Everyone needs to take some time to process and prepare for whatever they do next. They feel like that's all they do these days, discover something horrifying Steven has dealt with on his own, and take some time to process it. Greg continues to watch over Steven. Determined to never let his son down again.