Rottmnt/Bayverse x reader Smut and fluff

🐢 You're not to blame(BV)

TW: attempted suicide and just all around poorly written angst
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You blamed yourself more then anyone for the situation you were in, you hated how things had turned out and in a desperate attempt to save everyone else from your destructive tendencies you'd chosen to remove yourself from the problem

But the only thing you could think of that would save everyone from you was the most self destructive thing you could think of

So with two bottles beside you, you emptied the contents of the smallest one into the palm of your hand, you only hoped that they wouldn't miss you to much

As you popped the cork to the other bottle and titled your head back you hadn't heard the sound of your window opening until that distinctive voice paired with your door opening startled you

"What are you doing?!"

You dropped the pills and bottle as raph grabbed your hands "you're not serious are you? This is not how you deal with things" he growled out at you

You didn't have the heart to look at him, you couldn't, not when you knew looking into those soft green eyes would break you, so you looked away and remained silent

You hadn't anticipated getting caught,
you thought you'd have time before someone would come looking for you

But you'd been off the grid for a week, it was only a matter of time before one of the brothers realized something was amiss

"I'm takin' ya down to the lair and gettin' Donnie to check you over, can't risk something happening to ya"

You hadn't realized he was still grumbling and talking till he picked you up

"Raph, Please don't..." You're gripping at the back of his shell now "don't tell them..."

He sighs and walks over to the window to help you out and onto the fire escape

"Ya know I can't keep this from them... Donnie's gonna wanna know and I have ta tell him, besides this isn't... This isn't something that should be avoided, ya need someone to sit down and talk about this with"

By the time raph's got you in his arms again your shaking and trying not to cry, you don't want to cry in front of him, you've already caused everyone enough pain, you don't want to hurt them anymore

"Raph please!"

He's got a tight grip on you as he reaches over to the walkie talk strapped onto the harness over his shell

"donnie I need you to get the med bay ready"
"Wha- wait why? What happened?"
As Donnie's voice rings out from the mic raph looks down at you and sighs
"I'll tell you later just do it"

Most of the trek down to the lair is silent, and raph's grip on you is still tight, not tight enough to bruise but you can definitely feel his anger even if he won't show it, the only other evidence to this is the fire in his brow bones

"I'm-"
"Don't apologize... ya shouldn't apologize for this... You're struggling with things and that's fine but don't apologize... just come and talk to us next time"