Tragic love

Imagined life

Everything felt perfect and great. I had Ella by my side and now Jordan too! After that cute incident between us yesterday, I was waiting to meet him today at the library. And there he was looking like my dream prince hehe. Since we were friends now, I walked up to him and talked. I was somewhat nervous but fine. "Hiii Jordan, how are you?" I asked smiling. He replied, "Oh hey Adriana, I'm doing fine, how about you?" I whispered to myself, "I'm always fine when I'm with you" while looking at him. He asked confused, "Did you say anything? I didn't hear.." I gasped and answered, "Oh y-ya, I zoned out a bit, I'm doing okay" assuring him. After some happy talking, Ella also joined us. She made it even more fun but we tried to keep the sound low as we were in the library. I felt so euphoric to be in front of him and watch him talk. I felt like it was the serendipity of us. 

Days went like this with laughing and chatting. I felt our friendships were getting deep. We had some awkward moments too like holding hands by accident and getting caught up by staring at him. But even though, everything felt perfect, I deep down had a feeling that he'd never like me as a partner/gf whatever. Just to like increase that fear, something heart-breaking happened again... When Jordan, Ella and myself were hanging out in the school library, a girl came up to us and gave a chit to Jordan and ran away. "Strange," I thought. We looked at each other confused. We all opened the chit together curiously. 

Dear Jordan,

I like you so much. I have been liking you since we were 
in grade 8. I hope you remember our moments. 
Would you like me back?

Your love, Julia <3

I didn't believe what I saw. A love confession... to Jordan. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. She has been liking him since grade 8.. woww... I looked at Jordan's reaction. His face wasn't telling anything. Ella was shocked too. After intrusive thoughts started to take over my mind, I was on the verge of crying, and I felt heartbroken. I got flashbacks of the sufferings I had. This isn't new to me... I ran away being unable to control my emotions. Ella almost screamed to stop me. But she stopped as we were still in the library. 

I ran to the top floor of the school. There was no one. The wind was blowing softly. I felt the cold breeze increasing my sadness. Tears started to fall uncontrollably. I stopped to try but it didn't stop. So I let myself express my every feeling out alone.. like always. Nobody knew where I was not even Ella. Don't worry, I'm not committing suicide. I'm not that stupid to jump over the roof just because of this. I had gone through more than this. But it hurts. It was a new kind of pain. Pain of tragic love.. Pain of fear that Jordan will never like me. I know Jordan didn't even reply to that message yet. So, I didn't feel completely broken down. But you know my fear got aroused. But what reason does he have to reject her? She said they had moments together. Maybe someone he knows a lot. I chuckled while tears were falling down thinking I might not even have a chance. I got stuck in a feeling of a nightmare of my imagined life.