Tragic love

Unclear future

I was feeling better than before now. Jordan had talked to Julia and she had finally understood it. But still, I know Jordan had many fan girls. As I've said before, he's kind of a popular guy but I think he is an ambivert. Maybe, that's why he has not many friends around him and comes to the library regularly. But, I'm sure he enjoyed hanging out with me and Ella. Jordan's nice, understanding, sympathetic, interesting and unique personality made me fall for him more. I think I'm in love with him now. But my fear kept me away from believing it will be a reality.

It was the same routine every day. We met in the library and that was it. Then, we decided to meet in the cafeteria too. It made our friendship grow more deeper and understand each other more as we spent more time. But this progress only felt like growing until... another tragic incident. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a magnet that attracts tragedy.

It was one calm day when we gathered in the cafeteria to have lunch. We started eating while talking. But suddenly, I noticed that Jordan started to act unusually shy. "What the heck is wrong with him?" I thought while holding in my laugh. But that happiness didn't last for long. Then he revealed, "Actually, girls, I-I have been wanting to tell you something... Umm.. it's about.." Ella said teasingly, "Tell it fast dude, or you are gonna choke on yourself" We all laughed hard at it. And then he continued, "It's this uh I-I uh like a girl but I don't know how I should confess. Can you guys give me some unique ideas? I know you two are good at these topics" he said smiling... His smile was one of the things I always liked about him. but now, his smile killed me. His words pierced my heart like arrows. I tried not to cry. I felt a crack in my heart. This time, the pain was already eating me inside but I made sure my face only shows happiness like a portrait. I noticed Ella was shocked too and was looking at me with pity. "Ohhh, Jordan congrats!! I'm so happy for you. I hope she likes you too. Who's that lucky girl btw?" I asked while trying to fix my smile. He replied, "Oh, about that, I cannot say, I will tell you two after the confession. Hehe that's more like it" while giggling. "and back to my question, can you give me some ideas pls? I don't know anything" he asked us with pleading eyes. Then, I got the first move, "If you want to get ideas, you can always learn from K-dramas which are my favs, there are plenty on YouTube, you can check out and choose what you want" I said blankly. Ella also agreed with me. But I knew she was confused about why I'm helping. "also Jordan, make sure to choose a confession which suits your crush's personality, some people like to get confessed in front of so many people, and everyone starts cheering bla bla, and people who are rather introverted like to get confessed more privately, you know, just two of them maybe." I said to help him but I was slowly dying inside. Then Ella replied, "she is right Jordan, it's a key factor to make her not panicked and make it calm/peaceful" while agreeing to me. Jordan was pleased with our answers. After that, he replied excitedly, "Thanks a lot Adriana, you too Ella. You guys are the best. I don't know what would I do without yll" The bell rang signalling the end of the interval. Jordan waved at us and left happily.

I was feeling nothing. I couldn't process anything and I just told him all the things just to help him. But I like him.. oh maybe I love him but what's the use? He likes someone else... My depressing thoughts were taking over me. But my consciousness told me that I was still in the cafetaria. I looked at Ella and went out to get some fresh air. Ella hugged me and I was surprised. She knew I didn't like to be hugged, but I felt like that hug was needed for me now. She comforted me, "Ay Adriana plss don't be sad, I know you have already gone through a heart break bcz of your ex-bestie Sofia, but remember, I won't leave you. I have gone through the same so don't panick and do something stupid, ok Adriana? She said while hugging me. I couldn't hold in my tears anymore. My tears started to fall on her shoulder. She felt it and pat my shoulder lightly to comfort me. I broke the hug and thanked her for being there for me. "I'm alive today because of you, before you found me, I was feeling dead. But now, I know you're there for me. But I can't stand the pain. Pain of tragic love. Why does love hurt so much? when it's meant for happiness... I need some time to make up my mind Ella, I'll go home now. Maybe I might not come tomorrow. Don't worry, I won't kill myself. I'm not that stupid" I said chuckling while wiping my tears. Then, I went to my class, informed my teacher and headed home. I lied to mom that I was feeling sick and she believed me. She told me I can stay home next day. I was thankful to hear those words. I ran to my room and sat on my bed. Tears started dripping out my eyes. I let all my pain out which I was holding all this time. Due to overcrying, I had slept with my school clothes on. My future felt unclear...