6 (26.07.2023)

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Silence.
My biggest enemy in those times.

It's too loud. It's so loud in my mind. I can't seem to keep my thoughts in control. Everything is happening at once.

My family is dying in a terrible car crash.
I'm writing my suicide note.
,,Wait was someone saying something to me?"
There's a song playing in the background.
I'm doing terrible things to someone.
Oopsss I'm dying again.

I just want to sleep. I just want some peace...Please...

Music.
My saint, my saviour, my only friend in the lonely night time.

When I'm all alone in the dark I put my headphones on and I actually get some peace. I haven't been able to sleep without them for a while... Or maybe I just made it seem like I couldn't? I got so used to the songs bringing me some hope that I don't know what's outside of them.

Maybe silence was just misunderstood by me?
Just like everyone was- is- doing to me.

Maybe it was just trying to help me get used to my thoughts- to touch, feel and accept them?

Maybe it was trying to create the most heartbreaking, awful, drastic sceneries  to make me go absolutely crazy?

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