ELLIPSISM, aemond targaryen

AUTHOR'S NOTE [30/04/2023]

Hello,

I was thinking about putting this in the author's note in the next chapter, but I feel like it's too long. Besides, I've already prepared a monologue about how hard writing a smut scene is, and I would be very disappointed if it would be wasted. And I don't want to write notes that are, like, 1 000 words long? So I'll just get straight to the point.

No, I'm not dead or anything. I'm still writing chapter 65, which is unfortunately rather hard for me. I've never written a smut scene before and I'll admit, I am struggling. Not in a way that I am uncomfortable with writing it, or that I just can't do it. I just need time to write it. I try to write every single chapter to be as good as it is possible, and now the main problem is that I'm writing and rewriting it a lot. I am very careful with the choice of words, pacing of the whole thing, I'm trying to make it both physical and go in the depth. I want it to be good.

I have already promised chapter 65 to be published a long time ago. I have also said multiple times, that I do not have updating schedule, that every date I tell you is only approximate, and yet I still receive complaints about not keeping my promises. So I'm going to stop announcing any dates. I'll only remind you that I usually update once per week, unless I really can't. It'll be for the best.

Currently, my life is a mess. I'm in a different country, living under different conditions, which doesn't make writing easier. I've also been dealing with some personal problems with my family, friends, and school. And I just can't focus on writing the way I need to right now. Everybody has the right to have a bad week, but by the way some people talk in their messages to me, not everybody sees it as such.

I can't say that I don't understand them. I also was, and still am, a reader, and I understand when someone likes a book and wants to read new chapters. It's important to remember that behind every comment and every book is a living person with a life and struggles of their own. They don't have to tell you about every shit that happens to them through the day, but we all should have some respect for each other and accept that sometimes people need time.

There is a difference between writing, "I enjoy your book and I'm looking forward to an update," and, "Did you stop writing? Why don't you update? You said you will update! Update!" Personally, this stresses me to the point where I go to bed at sunrise because I feel obligated to write. And that is not what writing should be about. It should be fun for both, the writer and the reader.

I enjoy writing about Aemma, I enjoy re-reading Fire and Blood and highlighting the events I want to include, I enjoy imagining situations that are about to happen in this book. But if these types of messages will continue, I will stop writing. Because although I love writing and it would not be easy to stop writing this book, I value my health over everything else, something I didn't do for a long time, but eventually everyone should come to this conclusion.

This is not supposed to be a threat. And I'm surely not asking anyone to pity me. Most of those things are my fault, because it's my problem how I deal with things. I could just wave my hand over every message I recieve. I should do it. But currently, I'm not in a state in which I can stand everything and be entirely unbothered about it. Maybe it is because it's just too much right now, and maybe I just don't want to ignore every problem in my life anymore. I think everybody can understand that.

I'm merely writing this because I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and I feel like people should hear it. Not only because of me, but also because of all writers who are feeling similarly as I do. It's my offer of a different perspective, I'm not forcing anyone to read this or to accept this. It's just my opinion, and I've been, still am, very hesitant about publishing it. Then again, if I won't say this, who else will?

For now, I'm not taking a break and I'm not stopping writing. I'm still writing chapter 65 and hope to share it with you this week. After that, I will hopefully be alright and continue writing as I planned to. But I'm done with doing things that I know are not healthy for me.

— amarisxana