Strange Carcosa

HOSS' DREAMING: DAY 5

 Waves lapped. I stared out at the horizon, the gauze of clouds drifting over red-pink skies, the gentle lull of violet waves. A beautifully colored bird streaked by.

"Home again, mm," I flicked a cigarette to life with a grimace, poking it in the corner of my mouth. I talked around it as I opened my robes, feet bare in the white sand.

"Why, ah, return here? In my dreams, in this place? In Rembroke, strangely, I do not dream of Corinth."

"Why?" My brother said, undulating in the lilac seas. "What's stopping you?"

"I..." my mouth popped open and my cig almost fell out. I kicked off my shoes, wading into the water. Warm, like a bath. Bracing salt—not the reek of Dagon but of freshness, the salt of purification. It would crust to my eyelids, my hair, itch, sting, as all purifications do.

"I don't know. I suppose, Kótho, I never thought you could choose to dream of a thing."

I rubbed my chin, smoking.

"But you choose to dream of it here," the nephilo chuckled, like the burble of water, a friendly sink. I smiled, warm with fondness.

"Because it is so real," I murmured, eyes misting. "Because you feel alive. And I... even if it is delusion... Madra, permit me this one... I am only flesh and blood, Madra Mundi, a man succumbs..."

Kótho gurgled.

"Don't become a self-flagellant, now," his beak clacked rapidly in delight. "Be devout, not pious, brother..."

"Yes, yes," I rolled my eyes, smirking. Sniffed, gathering myself. "I sound like a penitent..."

I sat in the shallows, smoking, enjoying the kiss of lilac waves. The stillness.

"I see why Charlie comes out here now," I rasped, shivering despite myself. "I see now. I did not try to understand. I was only... I was only afraid."

"You are human," Kótho undulated, a beautiful streak of orange and maroon in the water. "Fear and anger oft clouds your cognition, yes."

I smiled, eyes shining. Another tear rolled down my cheek.

"So it does," I sighed, tugging at my chin. "If only, if only I could reach your manner of mind, Kótho, brother, hermañe..."

"You never will," he spurted gleeful bubbles. "It is biologically impossible. The limits of your perception, of your capacities. Do not attempt it. It will end in madness."

I chuckled, grinned.

"Mmm. Well. I am mad, mad, mad. You know, mad madrasa, that is a catch..." my smile twitched, painful. "Charlie would call me something like that."

"And if the human does not get better?" A web went over Kótho's yellow, keyhole-pupil eyes. He tilted his head, tentacles wobbling.

"Then," I smiled sadly, out at the purple horizon. My chest was tight, tight, a fist that scrunched my ribs and heart like a napkin. I struggled to breathe for it, hitching. The world blurred.

"I suppose... they will never hear it. Or think of it. And mock me..." I rolled my eyes, grinning. "Annoying..."

"You could summon them, in a manner... if you focus, choose to dream of them..." Kótho's breathing tube quivered. I scratched my nose, shrugging.

"No, no. I want no delusion of Charlie in my head. I cannot be led astray. I talk to you, I guard my mind of other dreams, Kótho, because you, you are wise..."