Her Fight

Chapter Seven

Things were crazy around the house. Especially since Jan had left and the house was a revolving door for drug addicts.

I didn't see much of my neighbors because the parents didn't want Eli and Ethan hanging around my house. Jim was always a black cloud around me. Back then I didn't understand why people shut me out but now as an adult I guess I do. With me came this monster. So I guess it was easier to protect themselves and their children.

   We were still in the tenth street house when my dad came home with a run down little boat that sat on his trailer out front. He spent hours trying to fix it , almost all night, but I didn't know why.

   I soon found out it was because my family had planned a trip to Lake Shasta where they rented a houseboat for a weeks vacation. I wasn't aware until Jim screamed at me to pack a bag to go to the lake.

   Early the next morning we jumped in the truck and headed towards the lake. It was about a 4 hour drive and it was super hot. No air conditioning and no water. Jim had once told me buying me a water from the store was a waste of money so I always had to choose a soda. To this day a soda can never quench my thirst.

   Hot soda in tow and legs stuck to the hot leather seats we got closer and closer to our destination. And in true fashion to our lifestyle our truck broke down. I couldn't believe it. I was definitely used to it but I didn't want to be there with him. I knew he would some how make this my fault. Which he did. "If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have to be here." He screamed.. I wish I could have responded with "I never fucking asked to be here." But of course I just had to sit there and take it.

   Actually getting to the lake was a blur of anxiety and screaming but once we finally made it we had nowhere to sleep. It was still hot so I took a dip in the lake and went back to the truck. We didn't know where our family was and the lake was too big to find them. The night was full of Jim telling me how we were there because if me and how he didn't even want to be. Jim gave me a jacket from behind the seat and I settled into the bench seat of the truck letting sleep take me. Sweet darkness.

   When morning came Jim was already fiddling around with the stupid boat. He was trying to fire it up but it wasn't working. It would just putter out. He did eventually get it working and backed it down the ramp into the lake. There were people all around waiting for Jim but his stupid truck kept stalling out too. I wanted to die from the embarrassment. He was yelling for people to "hold the fuck on". Secretly I was hoping someone would kick his ass and take me with them. Honestly it seemed the better scenario then to be stuck here with him. Irrational.. I know..

   Eventually he got the damn boat in and he made me hop in. He parked the truck while I sat in the boat waiting for him. It was horrible. We took off and it wasn't long until it broke down. He screamed at me to get him a jug of water from under the seat which for some reason I couldn't find. I told him "I don't know where it is." He grabbed my small thy and smashed it into the other making both my legs hit the side of the boat. He grabbed the jug that was under me and told me I was an idiot.

   It didn't end there. He said anything he could. How he wished I wasn't there anymore. How he hates the responsibility. How Jan left us because of me. He told me that I sat there while she cheated on him and I just let it happen. It wasn't true. She never cheated on him. I never "saw" any of what he accused me of. But I had to sit there and agree because I was terrified. I choke up writing this because I was so innocent. Yet so aged.

   We were stuck on the lake and I had to flag down a bigger boat that was near by. The boat came to our rescue but I really wanted to say "help ME. Not him... help ME". The other boat threw us a rope and Jim told me to jump in and get it. I was exhausted and didn't have a life vest but I jumped in anyways... I STRUGGLED. And my dad yelled at me. The owner of the other boat told his son who was maybe a year or so older than me to help me so he did. He jumped in with his vest (which I was so jealous of) and swam the rope to our boat. I was closer to their boat so they helped me in. I sat in this nice boat ready to break down. I was exhausted.. but I held it in because I couldn't piss Jim off.

   Of course within seconds Jim noticed I was now on their boat and yelled at me to come onto ours. The woman on the boat said "she can sit here while we tow you."

   I know she was trying to help. But Jim just yelled "no" so I quickly jumped back into the water and swam to the beat down boat I felt stuck with.

   We were towed to a little cove where we sat in the heat for hours.. Jim tried to fix the boat but it wasn't working..

   I was done. I couldn't handle it. I grabbed big rocked and spelled out HELP and SOS. It was a last ditch effort to get help. I kept telling myself I should have asked that woman and their family to get me out of here. But I was too scared. I searched and searched for my family. I prayed I'd see my uncle drive by on his boat. They usually would get a house boat but had a really nice boat for fun on the water. I knew what it looked like so I kept my eyes peeled.

   I prayed I would see it. But days passed. It was nowhere in sight.

   When I was at my wits end with this trip he had finally got the boat to work long enough to get us to a set of shops and gas station that were nestled on the lake. I sat on the rocks hating life. Actually contemplating walking into the lake and taking a huge breath underwater. Ending it seemed easier. I understand how dramatic that is but this was when I really started contemplating  ending my life.

   Then I heard it. The sweetest sound I have ever heard. My cousin Erin screamed "Stephanie!" I looked up to see my uncles boat. The first thing I saw was Erin then I saw my aunts face. I jumped in the water trying to get to them as fast as possible. I wanted to cry and throw up all at the same time. They yelled for me to wait and to walk on the doc to the store so I got out as fast as I could.

   I hugged my cousin Erin and latched onto her. I didn't want to let go. My family found me and I didn't want them to let me go. My sweet aunt bought me a water and popsicle from the shop and I sat with my cousin on a bench while my dad talked to my uncle and other cousins. I chugged the water like my life depended on it. It was so cold and desperately needed.

   Everything happened so fast but I remember my aunt telling my dad she was taking me back to the houseboat to join the rest of the family and he let me go. God I love her for that. To this day my heart swells because I knew it wasn't a question. She was taking me. When I was stuck, I was starving and dehydrated and I think some how she knew it. Me and Jim had jugs of water that I had to drink sparingly because they "were for the boat". Jim's words.. not mine. I also had a big bag of hot chips that I made last the 3-4 days we were out there.

   Being on the houseboat with my other cousins, aunts, uncles and grandpa was heaven. I never wanted to leave. I was fed and had unlimited drinks. Plus there was a water slide on the boat so I was able to have some fun with the cousins.

   My older cousins and uncle went back to Jim to help him with his boat but when they came back he wasn't with them. I was thankful for it but I was still a bit worried. I didn't know at the time but I guess he yelled at my cousins and uncle so they left his angry ass with his boat and came back to my new found safe haven.. or houseboat if you will..

   I didn't see him the rest of the trip. My aunt and uncle took me home with them. In a nice air conditioned truck. With food to eat and drinks to sip on if needed. Best 4 hour car ride ever..

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Authors note:

Hi! I know it's been a while since I've uploaded! I just needed some time to get back mentally. It takes a lot to jot these memories down. I hate going back to these places in my head but it's time. I also changed Jacks name to his REAL name Jim. I'm not afraid to now. Later you will understand why. Unless you're close to me then you probably already know why I feel ok with it now. Thank you all for reading
XoXo Steph