What am I doing.

A stressful day

"M-m-mommy?"
This is what y/n woke up to each and every morning. Because she was not like the other girls.
"Yes puppy?" She growled sensually.
"I-I'm hungwy"
Y/n opened her massive blue/green/purple orbs and looked down on her baby boy, Dobby.
He was wearing his pillowcase as always, with the edition of baby blue socks that reached his knobbly knees. Adorable.
Y/n looked down at his hands. They were covered in bandages.
"Piss yourself again kitten?"
"Y-yes.." Dobby was scarlet with shame. "Dobby had to punish himself, miss."
Y/n nodded and pointed him towards the kitchen where he would find food.
He is such a good boy for y/n. The same could not be said for his fellow housemate, dr Phil. Dr Phil insisted on being a little bitch.
Gearing up for the day ahead, y/n stretched her back, then drew herself up to her full 4 foot 2 height.
"DR PHIL. GET OUT HERE NOW, SLAG."
Y/n heard a giggle from her wardrobe and stalked towards it.
"There you are slut."
Dr Phil was grinning inside the wardrobe. "I'm not leaving" he said, sticking his tongue out.
Y/n punched him right in the jaw to assert dominance, knocking him out.
"M-MOMMY? I-I burned my breakfast soup.." Y/n huffed. Being a caregiver to these two was such a struggle.
As she climbed down the stairs she passed by the entrance to the attic. Of course, she had almost forgotten. "Feeding time, rat." She snapped. She tore a little flake of plaster off the wall and threw it at the entrance.
A hand/wing came out of the darkness and caught the flake.
Y/n shook her head and continued walking. That was her third and final baby. He was named Woody the Woodpecker ( he was the result of a very strange and disturbing encounter with a suave bird in the local woods).
Y/n did not like to show off this baby. People looked at her differently.
Dobby was standing at the stove, hands melting off.
"You silly goose." Y/n tutted. She pulled his melted hands out of the scalding hot soup and directed him towards the sink.
"Please don't get your bone marrow all over the good carpet again chicken,"
Dr Phil came running down the stairs, no doubt fighting off a mild concussion.
"How many times have I told you not to fucking run in the halls, freak?" Y/n was not going to let dr Phil see his father this year.
"Hey momma, can we go to the ranch today?"
"No, whore."
Upstairs, Woody the Woodpecker was cackling again. He does that in times of stress.
"Dobby, bring some breakfast soup to the man in the attic please."
With Dobby gone, y/n realised she needed a night out without these freakishly irritating children around her.
This thought was strengthened by a scream of pain from upstairs.
"Woody if you're biting Dobby again I swear to god-"

************************
Two hours later, y/n was out of the house. She had locked her children in their respective rooms and had gone out for the night, as she had planned.
She entered the club, luminescent in galaxy print leggings and a neon yellow jumper. She was most certainly not like other girls. Her hair flowed down her back- gleaming gold/silver/blue , all the way down to her calves.
She was not wearing any shoes or socks. This got her attention from the handsome dark figure at the bar.
"Hey," he growled.
"H-hey there handsome," y/n replied.
"The name's Big Bird," he said. His voice was so deep she felt it vibrating in her bare toes.
"M-my name is Y/N.."
"I noticed your neon yellow jumper baby girl.. do you regularly get tested for STD's? Sexual health is very important to Big Bird."
"W-well yes I do! I always wanted a man who cared about sexual health.."
Big Bird smirked sensually. "You know who else likes sexual health?"

Just then, a huge hulking figure loomed out from the darkness and joined the pair.
"Room for one more?" He rumbled. Y/n gawped at his rippling muscles as he sat down.
"This is my best bro, Elmo."
Elmo smirked.
Y/n knew she was going to be in for a very rough night.

***********************
One year later, both of them are knocking on her door.
"We heard about the child, y/n. Open up. A child should know their father, y/n." Big bird shouted.
"Just tell us who the father is, we deserve to know!" Screamed Elmo.
"PISSLE OFF." Roared back y/n behind her locked front door.
Dobby and dr Phil watched the scene unfold from the window in the front room. "Mommy who's that muscular man outside?" Whimpered Dobby. "He looks a little like.."
"Silence, toad."
"Ok mommy,"
The curtains were drawn on the two men before they could throw the court summons through the glass.
The end.

Authors notes
Wtf is this lmao I need silence rn