Dazai Angst Oneshots

"You drew stars around my scars..."

!TW: self-harm, suicide(overdose), mentions of blood!

Soukoku

Work inspired by the lyrics of the song "Cardigan" by Taylor Swift

Dazai was never really the type to do self-harm as a form of punishment. It was simply to feel the thrill of the moment or to feel anything at all, even if it was just pain.

The knife makes a sound being slit across his pale skin in a smooth, quick motion. He watches as the cut gets filled with blood and smiles as it flows down his arm, dripping onto the bathroom floor.

Another cut.

People who have never done this before might ask him: "what does it even give you?"
Satisfaction.

His smile grows wider as he slides the knife a few more times.

Drip drip drip

He chuckles and sighs deeply.
Why is this so entertaining? Amusing, even.
Nobody will ever care.

Suddenly, a knock echoes through the room.
Dazai's smile fades.
Shit.

-Oi, shitty Dazai, you in there?- He hears a voice. It's a bit muffled because of the door that parts him and the owner of the voice but it's still perfectly clear. He cleared his throat before respondning.
-Yeah! Why, you already missed me, slug?- His voice is light and melodious, perfectly hiding his true feelings.
Dazai is an expert at hiding his true self and a pro manipulator. Making everything go according to his plan is nothing more but a piece of cake.
-In your fucking dreams, mackerel! I'm only here because Boss wanted you in his office- The guy says, clearly annoyed by dazai's attitude.
-Well then Chuuya, tell him I'm not coming, he's too boring...- The brunet answers with a whine.
-Yeah, no. Come out or I'm breaking the door- It doesn't sound like Chuuya's joking.
-But Chuu-ya! That's assault!!!- Dazai tries to keep his act up. It would be really bad if chuuya saw him in this state. A moment of silence is followed by a sigh from the other side of the door.
-Dazai- He breaks the silence - Nobody laughs like that while actually using the bathroom. I'm coming in- Chuuya says and the door starts glowing red.

Guess not everything actually goes according to his plan, huh.

"I'm fucked." Is all Dazai could think before the door parting him and Chuuya was gone.
The redhead is standing there, completely frozen, eyes glued to Dazai's arms.

Silence.

-Dazai... -he manages to spit out as he looks at the brunet. He comes into the bathroom and looks around. It's a mess. Dirty, stained with dried blood bandages everywhere on the floor. Bloody tissues laying here and there, and blood dripping from Dazai's wrist into a little puddle. Dazai stood there in the middle of this mess, with a blood-stained knife in his right hand and cuts on the other one. Well, both of them were covered in cuts and scars, but there were a few fresh ones on his left one.

He immediately runs up to him and snaps the knife out of his hand before dropping it somewehere on the ground.

-You fucking idiot- chuuya spits out, looking into those empty, chocolatte-brown eyes. He sighs and takes dazai's hand.
-let's get you cleaned up, okay?- his voice is more soft this time, showing concern.
He puts the arm into the sink and turns on the water, washing the blood away. He gently runs his fingers over the cuts and then turns off the water. He looks at the mess again, but decides to worry about that later.

They both leave the bathroom and Chuuya leads Dazai into his own bedroom, telling him to sit on the bed as he opens a drawer and looks for something inside. A few seconds later he pulls out a pen and sits next to Dazai.
The brunet looks at him with a questioning expression. Without saying anything he starts drawing little stars on the skin. Of course he's careful not to draw directly on the unhealed cuts.
-Uh. What are you doing, Chuuya?- Dazai breaks the silence and asks, since Chuuya gives him no explanation.
-I'm drawing stars. You can't cut untill they fade- He says, still drawing on the other's arm.
-That's so stupid though!- The brunet chuckles at the explanation.
-If you do cut then I'll kill you, Idiot. And when they fade just come to me so that I redraw them- The redhead says as he looks at the boy.
-Well that's a stupid threat. I'd like that, actually- A smug smile forms on Dazai's face.
-Oh sorry I forgot to clarify, dumbass. I'll do it in the most painful way possible- Chuuya rolls his eyes. The other's smile then fades and he sticks out his tongue, which rrevolves in getting smacked by the redhead.
-Bastard...-Chuuya mumbles, looking away.

As stupid as the idea was, it worked.
Kind of.
Dazai still sometimes did relapse and cut, but he didn't do it as often.

Untill.

Here was dazai now, in his own bathroom, sliding a sharp razor across his arm once more.

Drip drip drip.

The blood dripping onto the floor once again.

His dull, empty eyes looking at the cuts he's done. There's no stars on his arms. They all have already faded. Four years ago.
There really was nobody to stop him now.

But at least he's on the better side now, right?

A small chuckle escapes his mouth.
He then takes a bottle of pills from one of the shelves and opens it. He shoves all of the pills into his mouth at once and
swallows them.

Now, there's only one question left: How long will it take for them to start working?

He sits on the cold bathroom floor and rests his back against the wall. In complete darkness and his eyes closed, he's waiting for death to come. The death he always wanted so bad. The death he always tried to achieve.

You were right, Odasaku. Being on the side that saves others really is better... If the goal is to continue on living.

Word count: 994

A/N
I'd say that I'm paying for y'all's therapy but I think I should worry about getting therapy myself first heh

I wrote this on my phone because I was too lazy to do it on my computer- but I must say that I'm quite proud of it lol

Oh and btw, the idea with not being allowed to cut untill the stars fade is not original, I saw it somewhere on the internet a while ago and decided to write a soukoku fanfic about it- I can't remember where I saw it though so sorry lmao

This is quite long, the longest one-shot I posted here

Welp-
Have a good day/afternoon/night!
I'm proud of you <3