(I just realized i wrote tge same story from the last chapter except, I'm not arin here and It's way more detailed lol)
Oh my God I'm in my SECOND boy crazy phase.
NAUR
It's odd though. Everytime I get boy crazy, that's when i never have a good reason for liking them. I guess it's fine to like this second guy since he always helped me with math and plays with me when i asked and even draw for me.
But the first guy i went batshit crazy for, thats what i really don't get.
I've had a crush on him for almost 5 years now. And i only started liking him because everyone kept shipping us. I would'nt day for no reason. My bad for faking i had a crush on him.
I had this friend of mine, let's call him m
M and i were playing truth or dare outside our classroom and obviously, he asked "who's you're crush on me" bc it's truth or dare.
At that time, i had a crush on m and obviously, i would NEVER want him to know that. So i just spat out a random name. Lets call him K
at that time, m and k were friends. BIIIIIIIG deal since i don't think k had that many friends or none at all besides m.
But also, whilee we were playing truth or dare outside the classroom, K was inside the freaking class room. M knew that but i didn't
I will never forget that stupid ass smirk m gave me when i said K's name. HE FREAKING SPRINTED INTO THE CLASSROOM AND TOLD K
I saw m tthrough the window talking to k AND THEN K LOOKED AT ME (so scary!!!!)
I couldn't tell what K's reaction was because this was the time my eyes were getting blurry but had no glasses yet.
But when i saw K's head turn, i just wanted to die, so fucking bad.
Like fuck you m LOL
We're friends now though, me and m. No more feelings for him.
Anyway...
Somehow, our whole class found out. I wonder how.
And everyone started teasing me.
Somehow, news went to the freaking school bus. And K also takes the school bus.
So, before covid hit, everyone kept freaking tormenting me every school day for a whole day. It was torture.
Until, i tried my best to convince myself I DID have a crush on him. Why? Because i thought to myself "if i don't look genuine, m will know i lied, then he'll wonder why i lied, and then hate me" so i pretended to ACTUALLY like K.
Until i didn't, because i started to actually like him.
I don't remember when i started liking him. I just did.
And now it has been almost 5 years since I've liked him.
I almost thought he liked me back one time but convinced myself it was a false alarm and then i just ended up pushing him away.
I don't know why but i'm like that. The more i want something or someone, the more i pretend to not care. Unless i love them too much, like with my family. I could never pretend to not care.
I'll most probably be forever single this way.
That's not okay. I'll be honest, i don't ever wanna die single.
I wanna get married, have 5 kids, and be a grandmother.
I wanna die so happy. With such a happy family.
But i can't even confess to someone after 5 years.
Well, technically, i did. But at the time i didm't mean it lol.
And actually, after 5 years, he still hasn't given me an answer haha.
Silence probably means no, so, I'll just give up.
Good bye, thank you for reading.
