Friends. I want to make friends. Not just make them, keep them. For as long as possible.
I wouldn't say I'm friendless or anything like that. I have friends. But, I'm really bad at feeling like myself with almost everyone of them.
The only time I probably feel like myself is with my cousin and my brother. And that's probably because I've known them my whole life.
Whenever I wanna make friends either online or in school or just anywhere, I change myself entirely. I change the way I act, look, and blah blah blah depending on the people I'm with. But I would never show them my true personality because I'm afraid they'll reject it or won't like how I really am.
Maybe I'm just paranoid from the past of people getting annoyed with me, but still.
I hate how I keep feeling left out and I hate feeling bad for myself. I'm getting sick of it.
I wish I could just learn to socialize properly and stop being pessimistic, because this is getting genuinely depressing for me.
I want friends. I wanna feel like I belong in an environment without having to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm just sick and tired of doing that.
I wanna make a friend effortlessly. I mean like, not trying hard to impress them in something. Like we connect instantly. Like that. I wanna make friends like that. Not where I constantly seek to keep them happy so I don't lose my relationship with them.
Maybe this is just my period talking, idfk anymore. But I've been thinking about this for weeks now.
I want friends.
