Dead n Gone [DIP]

Three-Headed Dogs

It was a normal day in hell. Birds were screeching, three-headed dogs were biting the heads off tortured sinners, and people were screaming, crying for salvation. And Damien... well he was stuck doing sinner duty. Every minute there was at least 7,892 people arriving on hell's door and it was fucking brutal.

Luckily he was able to steal some tortured souls to do most of the work for him. However, as per his dad's request, he had to himself also do work because Satan wanted to punish him for back talking to him. Which was fuckin' stupid!

Satan used to be a figure to fear. A true being worthy of standing against God! But now... nah. He's nothing. The glory days of Satan's Hell is long gone. Nowadays he's like a puppet. Taking the souls that God doesn't want and doing whatever he commands him to do. Long gone are the days where Satan is actively planning his revenge on God. Long gone are Satan's plans on war on earth. Nowadays, he's gay twink disguised as a dangerous monster. He's fucking harmless!!!

Hell, his ass got into Heaven! Him! Satan! How disgraceful. Damien still remembers the day when that happened. The other overlords of hell were fucking PISSED when they heard what happened. Satan becoming an angel? That's crazy.

Damien was embarrassed to call Satan his dad after that. Whenever the fact that the two were related came up, he would intimidate or straight up harm the offender into submission. He didn't even want to THINK about the unfortunate fate he was bestowed on by God.

So yeah, because of his STUPID dad, he was stuck on sinner duty. Which sucked, cus it was a Saturday night and that was PRIME time for a guy like him to being partying! But nooo! He had to fucking tortured to death from BOREDOM by being forced to doing this stupid job!

He walked over to the spawn point for new sinners and picked a random one from the big group. It was sure going to be a long day today.

"Hello, welcome to hell—" Damien looked up to see his childhood frenemy/crush in front of him, "Pip? What are you doing here?"

Damien looked down at his clipboard with Pip's files and realized that Pip died— a day before his birthday no less. How sad. Damien tried not to laugh, as Pip was literally right in front of him— but he did chuckle a bit. It was quite funny to him due to the fact that bad things ALWAYS happened to Pip. The guy never got a day off from his bad luck! It was almost pathetic.

Almost.

Although, it didn't make sense. How did Pip get into hell? Pip was practically the closest thing to a heaven-born angel. What was the difference between a "Human Angel" and a "Heaven-Born Angel" you might ask? Well, it was simple. One was born in Heaven and the other was born in earth as a human. Human Angels were shitty, but they were tolerable. Heaven-Born Angels on the other... not so much. They were always trying to make Damien into anything but an antichrist, trying to 'save the sinners' and doing annoying things like mixing up his salt and sugar in the mornings when he needed coffee.

Damien hated Pip even more then he already does in the beginning because he mistook him for an angel! But that didn't matter. Damien had a job to do and it wasn't to ponder about why the guy he kinda sort of liked (if the antichrist could even form that emotion) was standing right before him.

"There are many ways one can get into hell. You can sin a lot, which started when Adam and Eve did the first sin and blah blah blah... uh.. Oh here, it says you can also Personal Sin!" Damien looked up at this literal angel in front of him and nervously chuckled. Why the fuck was this guy even here? "Okay, yeah uh... why the fuck are you even here?!"