Dead n Gone [DIP]

Curiosity

"A lifeguard?" Damien uncharacteristically laughed out loud, "The fuck are you going to guard? The only seas in hell are either boiling hot or filled to the brim with demonic sea creatures!"

That was most certainly true. There was the lake of fire, a huge lake that was literally what it was named after. A lake. On F I R E. Not really creative in the naming department, huh. Although it did make things more straight forward for the Zabaniyah, the tormentors, to give out punishments.

Then there were the four main rivers, Lethe, Acheron, Phlegethon, and Cocytus that eventually all connected back to the river Styx. Each river had a different type of torment in them, each specialized in their own way of sending out pain to the sinners.

"Not to mention," Damien continued, "There aren't any life here TO guard. The souls here are barely shells of their former selves, to call them life forms is stretching it!"

What a stupid brit. Damien should probably just send him to the pain of a thousand fires for asking such a stupid question. But, he didn't.

For some reason, Damien still couldn't wipe his smile off his face. He didn't know how to retract his smile, he never smiled. This was a rare moment for him. Thus, he was willing to let this moment stay. Even if just for a moment.

Anyway, it was obvious why Pip wanted a job. He had practically no sins so there was no reason to punish him. If he had a job he could stay busy and not suffer for the rest of eternity like everyone else. But where to put him?

Obviously, he can't be a lifeguard. Maybe he can work as a Zabaniyah, punishing sinners in creatively torturous ways. Mortal humans were rarely made into Zabaniyah, but Damien was willing to make him into one.

Although, that didn't really fit Pip's personality... No, he needed something less violent. Something more dull. Just like Pip.

"Well, I guess you can always work an office job..." Damien scratched the back of his head. "Yes, that will work."

He grabbed Pip's hand and with a few words of spell the two were transported to the central imperial castle of hell. Damien let go of Pip's hand and snapped his fingers. At once an undead Royal servant, dressed in nothing but a black cloak, appeared before them.

"(Bring me two pieces of paper, a quill, and some fucking ink.)" Damien ordered in old english. The royal servant quickly ran off to fetch what was asked for. In matter of minutes, the royal servant came back. Damien grabbed the two pieces of paper and the quill and handed them over to Pip. "If you want a life in hell fitting of a non sinner, you can be my personal scribe. If you fail to be a useful scribe, I will throw you to the dogs as an evening appetizer."