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Hello author you got my third review, because first come first served! Anyways I'll cut to the chase.
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As of reviewing this, I've read ten chapters. Here's what I liked:
The descriptions in the first chapter with food are pretty well done like you did research into how to make a good spaghetti and or know how to yourself! They made me hungry.
I enjoy the interactions between the children and the comedy they bring.
I like that Darren is a stand up dad for the girls.
I like the attention to detail about who in the ER would see someone first. Like the 'triage nurse.'
I do like that your story is dramatic, like it seeps drama.
Ms Jones is a really sweet character I like her conclusion in this and her daughter and the idea that Arielle will potentially get out of trouble.
Dislikes/criticism/helpful pointers
I don't mind the character descriptions in beginning of her children but remember, the show not tell rule. I want to get to know her children through the story not large, separate descriptions.
Also have you ever had a two year old? They don't know how to clean, they aren't born knowing. it's not super believable that Orianna cleans like she has ocd. It is believable if she loves to help her mother clean up. Also children at this age are smarter than just eating crayons, they should already know what they taste like, it's just my first hand experience.
This needs some editing or proofreading, you would do well to find someone to do that for a second pair of eyes!
For the second chapter "Test results" I see you use italics but could you post a warning that it is a prologue chapter/based in the past? Like "1980" or whenever the heck it was based and where, it would help explain some of the context like abortion laws of the time.
Her being a stripper instead of a bartender doesn't work as well unless you explain where she lives because in the US I think you need to be 21 to hold a mixology license. The stripper thing makes sense because that is 18 plus.
Other questions etc:.
Is there a reason she only uses her children's middle names in chapter one instead of first when describing them? Is this a cultural thing? Just curious, there's no judgment or hidden meaning!
Also is this a sequel or prequel to one of your books? I just don't know which one came first?
In conclusion:
I don't love this story; I'll be considerably honest; but there are some good moments between the mother and children that I adore, which is the silver lining. The suspense in the early chapters about her pass is decently written. To readers, If you enjoy a good dramatic sexy roller coaster ride this one's for you! The story just isn't my cup of tea, but it isn't badly written, so good job Author and thank you for submitting it to my review shop!
