Hello Wattpad! I'm very interested in reading and reviewing your stories. I want to be able to help you improve on your writing. Within the book you will see how to sign up with your book and be able to read my current reviews.
Hello Author, I'm finally giving you a review for your story. I've read twelve chapters as of now. I think that's enough for me to give you some pointers and advice though!
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Liked:
I like your story name and cover! It's somewhat intriguing.
You have decent descriptions of some of your characters.
The air of mystery surrounding the 'box.'
It's somewhat interesting to read it is just difficult to read in spots
Disliked/constructive criticism:
Your synopsis needs some help. It makes it sound like Harry and Ethan were in kindergarten for fifteen years, even then, how are they high school kids if they've known each other fifteen years? They should be in college...
There are many run on sentences and sentence fragments, please check your grammar and proofread your story!
You need to use quotes when people are talking in the first chapter, "Like this!"
You need to put periods at the end of most of your sentences.
Your characters are speaking as if they are texting each other. For example, "btw did u see Ethan?" It really should be, "By the way, did you see Ethan?" Please fix this.
You should combine your short chapters together. It's annoying for readers to see less than two pages worth of a story before having to watch an ad on Wattpad.
Instead of in the 8th chapter explaining they went to the school's infirmary for Ethan's wound, maybe show us the whole scene happening, them being lost, the fear of death due to the injury, never being able to leave. You basically missed an opportunity. That might help build suspense for the next chapter.
You should have a flash back to his parents' accident (which you may already, I don't know when writing this). It is difficult to feel anything for the characters if you don't explain what they went through.
You don't need recaps for the previous chapters at the beginning of the next.
In chapter 12 did they go out for dinner because he mentions going home? The last paragraph is confusing.
In conclusion:
The story has potential it just needs to be reworked a lot so that you can keep intrigue and suspense. I assume that is what you are going for with the story.
