I'm a Good Person (Book 4)

Chapter 19

With the arrival of spring, Grayson and Rebecca celebrated eight months together. It seemed as if no time had passed at all and yet the way they felt together made it seem as if they'd been together forever. Grayson's love for Rebecca was a much different feeling than anything he had ever felt before with either Mary or Caroline, perhaps because he had grown up so much in the years since.

When Grayson thought of Mary now he found it seemed almost another life ago. Were it not for Adam and Robert, he wasn't sure it would feel tangible in any way, save her bedroom upstairs which had still not been touched since the night of her death. The more years slipped away, the more her memory began to feel less like something he had actually lived through and more something he faintly recalling hearing about. There was little pain attached to her memories now, little guilt too. It seemed Grayson had managed to work through a good deal of his pain in regards to her death during Larson's reappearance last year.

The only thing about Mary that haunted him now was how he pictured her. So young, nearly the same age as Adam was now, and never to age. All the while Grayson found himself growing older. If anything, it only illustrated for Grayson how young they both were, far too young to have attempted to do so much so quickly. And looking back on it, Grayson couldn't even recall what had drawn him to her in the first place, what the attraction had been. It seemed to him the relationship had just sort of happened.

Then, of course, there had been Caroline, with whom there had been a tremendous spark. She had been for him, at the time, a life raft, something to remind him that life could still be fun, happy. Caroline had made Grayson laugh again and, in the end, had forced him to really begin to reevaluate himself and his trajectory. Caroline Pembrook had truly saved Grayson's life and his relationship with Robert. However, in the years since she walked way, he realized how right she had been to do so and how she had single handedly, more than any other person he had ever known, altered his life for the better.

For a long time, Grayson believed he had squandered his last chance at a relationship when Caroline had left him and here and there he had bitterly lamented the end of the relationship. All of that had died the moment Grayson met Rebecca, even before realizing he felt for her as he now did. Rebecca filled so many voids Grayson hadn't realized were even there. With her he felt a wholeness he had never imagined he could feel, a security. She had come aboard Grayson's somewhat hectic life willingly and she hadn't batted an eye. She embraced Robert and Laura. In every way she seemed to make his life better. Grayson felt absolutely certain that Rebecca was the one. He was shocked that he felt so sure so quickly, having gone so many years never remotely approaching such an feeling, but there was not a single doubt in his mind.

The only question that remained was, did Rebecca feel the same?

This evening at dinner he had resolved to find out, though his courage waned somewhat once they were seated and instead of coming right out and asking her as planned, he instead seemed off somewhere, distracted. All through dinner he was the same way, occasionally chatting about whatever came to mind, but ultimately stopping short before getting the words he wanted to say out.

After dinner, Grayson took Rebecca down to the river, hoping some seclusion might draw it out of him. Much like when he had decided to ask her how she felt about him in Wyoming once he had begun to feel more for her than friendship, he couldn't hide what he was thinking about much longer or he felt he would go mad.

Finally, after several false starts, words came out of Grayson's mouth. A minor victory, "I've been doing it again, haven't I?"

"You mean silently brooding? Yes, you have."

"I'm sorry. That couldn't have been farther from my intentions tonight."

"You've got a lot on your mind," Rebecca replied, "I understand. It does make me wonder why we came out this way if you were feeling so low, though. We could have postponed. I would have understood."