luck for the night - rl.

36. i told you to get out.

I always loved going to the supermarket even after all these years of living by myself, there was an excitement to being able to buy whatever the hell you wanted. New type of crisps? Throw it in the cart. Seeing a cake you fancy? Fuck it, let's try it out. And of course, buying all of the fruits that my mom always told me were too expensive, when I was a kid. Lychees, raspberries, I even tried dragon fruit once, even though that turned out to be a hoax.

But even going to the supermarket wasn't fun, after you just ruined a year-long friendship the day before. After you realised you fell in love with someone you should not be supposed to be in love with. Every aisle I wandered, every corner I turned, my brain jumped back to either of the people that were stuck in my mind. On one end, Phoebe, and all the guilt overflowing in my chest, and on the other, Remington, and the unwanted, unwelcome, but very pleasant warmth spreading through my body.

It was still an ungodly hour of the morning, and I had not had a minute of sleep, last night. I did not even try to sleep, dreading to get under the covers, dreading the walk my thoughts would take me on; one past all the mistakes I made, these past days. For once, I was happy that I lived in a city, which meant that even at three in the morning, the grocery store was open.

I loaded up my cart with a seemingly random array of things: instant ramen, yoghurt, a loaf of bread that looked very aesthetically pleasing, those pointy sweet bell peppers, my favourite tea, and a shit ton of snacks.

I could not stop myself from walking past the music section, curious to know if I saw the familiar face somewhere on the shelves. Even if I knew Remington's band was not Michael Buble or Nirvana famous, it still was worth a try. Of course, his music was not there. But it made me wonder, what kind of music did Remington listen to himself? Weirdly, it was one of the topics we had never talked about before.

If I ever saw him again, or find my fucking charger, I was going to ask him.

Fumbling with the front door to my flat, a plastic bag of groceries digging into my wrist, my heart sank. Another night of emptiness, the lonely darkness folding around me. I always had been a loner, used to my own company. I did not need that many people around me. Or so I thought. But now everything in me craved of talking to someone. But not just anyone. I wanted to talk to the dark-haired man that I had grown attached to over the past weeks. I reached for my phone in my pocket, before I realised that the battery still was dead, had been for the past twenty-four hours.

I looked in all the side pockets of my backpack, took my duvet and all the pillows off the bed, and even looked on the balcony. "Where is that damned thing?" I muttered, looking in between the couch cushions. Of course, it wasn't there. I sighed, sitting down.

I could only think of one other place where it could be, and I dropped my head into my hands. It was still on the nightstand, in Remington's hotel room. I couldn't blame myself for forgetting it, though. I had been so distracted, so off-guard.

I held the phone in my hands, eyes going over it. Part of me wanted to run back to the store to get a new charger, praying and hoping that Remington was still up right now. My heart jumped at the thought of hearing his voice, seeing the soft, sleepy smile on his face before he would fall asleep and I would curiously take in his features, from the lush lips to the dark, messy hair falling into his face- stop, Rylin. That is the exact reason you shouldn't.

In the end, I went into my kitchen, cleaned up the groceries, and settled on my sofa with my laptop. With no phone, and with that, no constant urge to spend my time on TikTok, I finally had some precious time to binge-watch the show I had not watched in a while. With a bowl of instant ramen on my lap, I got comfortable and followed the adventures of Saul Goodman and Kim Wexler, until my food was done and my eyelids started getting heavy. It was around four in the morning now. Only three hours before I had to get up again for work.