LIGHT SPEED | Eren Jaeger

lips

018, LIPS

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October ended just as quickly as it arrived. After the race and everything that came after it, I spent the rest of the month studying and trying to keep the butterflies in my stomach from exploding every time Eren wrapped his arms around my shoulders or his lips grazed my ear as he whispered something to me during class.

The campus talks around Eren and I had grown as more and more people spotted us together at parties, one of the libraries or even him leaving my dorm room at ungodly hours of the night. I tried my best to ignore them but it was getting harder and harder, especially since the campus favorite- Hitch- happened to be my roommate and best friend. 

"Okay let me get this straight," Hitch began as she touched up my makeup. "You and Eren Jaeger- who happens to be THE hottest boy on campus- are dressing up as Joker and Harley Quinn- an infamous couple- for his best friend's 21st birthday bash slash Halloween party and you're not dating?" 

I nod. "Yup. We're not a couple and we never will be and also Eren definitely isn't the hottest boy on campus." One of the things I said was I lie. 

Eren and I were in fact (drumroll please) not a couple. We were friends. Friends who flirted and had witty, intense, and oftentimes sexual banter that was completely and utterly platonic. And yet despite all of this, I was undoubtedly extremely attracted to him. I always knew that he was attractive but his flirty personality and undivided attention towards me were starting to mess with me and make me feel things that I shouldn't. 

Hitch rolled her eyes as she applied a little more gloss on to my lips. "I have no idea why you're denying it babe. I've seen the way he looks at you when he comes over to do 'homework' and trust me, guys only look at you like that when they want to slam you against a wall and do unspeakable things with you-" 

I gasp pulling away from her as her cheeks flushed red. "Hitch mother-fucking Dreyse, who jumped your bones?" I pried, knowing my best friend was withholding information from me. 

"No one- and even if there was someone I'm not telling you!" She let out an awkward chuckle as her blush deepened. 

I scoffed. She was being way too obvious. "I know you Hitch- I have for a long time. Tell me who it is." I whined staring at her with my best attempt of puppy eyes, causing her to scrunch her nose up in disgust. 

"First of all Y/N ever look at me like that again. Second of all, even if there was somebody why the fuck would I tell you?" I froze at her words, my pleading eyes becoming neutral.  "I mean I've been having to find out about my supposed best friend and her relationship with the campus's biggest fuckboy from a bunch of loser nobodies!" She let out a huff and ran a hand through her hair, her bangs falling back into place almost perfectly. 

I looked away quickly, guilt enveloping me like a cold, stiff hug. I knew that I had been a terrible friend to Hitch for the past few months. Ever since I met Eren, it became increasingly difficult to juggle my extremely illegal activities, school work, and confusing relationship with Eren. It had gotten to a point where I was ignoring my mom's calls and making Hitch stay up till four in the morning waiting for me to get back, so sick with worry that she couldn't fall asleep. 

But my guilt was so much more than that. The fact that I kept making excuses and telling her I was sorry made me look like an ass. How could I call her my best friend when all she does is listen to me spew a bunch of lies as to why I'm barely ever home? 

I take a deep breath, the gears shifting in my brain as I think out what I should say. "I seriously don't know what to tell you Hitch. I've been terrible and this apology is terrible but I think I owe you one." Hitch looks at me, her eyes distant and cold. "The rumors between me and Eren aren't true and I'm sorry you keep having to ask others to verify them." I swallow hard, not wanting to admit aloud what I've been keeping in for so many months. "I know I've gone out with a few guys in the past and whatnot but Eren is.. different. I'm attracted to him in a way that makes me afraid because I know his reputation and the way he treats girls and that's why I've been so scared to admit it. Because saying it out loud makes it real. It's so real that I can't breathe when I'm around him but the more I think about it- the more I realize I know next to nothing about him." My voice had fallen into a whisper and tears prickles my eyes.