( rooftops )

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when i found out about you i went numb. my mind went blank and every single nerve in my body stopped working and i froze up. i couldn't breathe. i couldn't sleep. i didn't even eat. i just stood there for a day, trying to contemplate what was going on and why, why, why this was happening to me. i couldn't even smoke a (cigarette) because my hands were shaking too much just like the earth shakes when it's hurting.

i just kept thinking about that time when we were smoking on a rooftop. we both chain-smoked three packets of (cigarettes) each as you pointed out galaxies to me and i pointed out stars to you. i find it sad how now i can't even see the stars, but with you . . . with you i could see galaxies painted into the night sky. oh darling, you were so happy . . . so god damn happy, but then you got sad and you left. i spent so, so long trying to figure it out, but now i've found the hidden treasure and the pain that comes with it.

you left . . . you left because you didn't want to make me sad. you gave me the (cigarettes) because because BECAUSE I HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING WHEN YOU LEFT ME ON THIS GOD DAMN FILTH RIDDEN EARTH. YOU'VE LEFT ME ALONE AND NOT EVEN THESE (CIGARETTES) CAN FILL THE HOLE IN MY HEART NOW. I AM EMPTY. I AM EMPTY. I AM EMPTY.

I. AM. EMPTY.

YOU LEFT ME EMPTY . . . you left me. you . . . you left . . . you left me. oh god, you left me.

you left me alone.

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