My Life With Mental Illnesses TRIGGER WARNING

High school

THIS WILL BE A FULL TRIGGER WARNING WITH VERY UPSETTING CONTENT THROUGHOUT S/H SLERERSLIDE, DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS.

I on multiple accounts had to go home from school as a result of suicidal thoughts. My school had 3 floors and most of my classes were on the second and third floors. On multiple occasions I found myself wanting to jump. It got to the point where I was going down to the counselor's office so often it felt like I was there more than I was in class. Most of the time when I would go to the counselor's office she would call my mom for her to pick me up. It got so bad we made a safety plan for me. I am mad at the school psychologist for something that happened related to the said safety plan. One day my assigned counselor was not at the school, I had a depressive episode and had to go to him instead. I told him about the plan and he I guess didn't believe me and gave a half-asses look for it and when he couldn't find it he decided to call a meeting with the vice principal, himself, the nurse, and the school safety officer. He then decided that he would call my mom and have her head over. Then he decided to have the safety officer take me in his squad car to the hospital. As we were walking to his car my mom got there only in time for me to give her my school bag. I was then placed in the back of the squad car because he couldn't put me up front because his stuff was on the seat. I then got to be in the back seat for a 15-mile drive. Being in the back made my depression worse because all I could think was that all the cars we passed saw me and were thinking that I must be the worst kid ever. Once we got to the hospital I was taken through the back door. Then I was placed in a dark room all by myself with nothing to occupy my mind. Only my thoughts. The nurse who was supposed to be watching both me and my stuff decided he was going to fuck around on his phone and walk away. 

I remember one of the times I was suicidal and on the 3rd floor, I had just gotten out of PE and was waiting for the bell to ring to go into my class. One of my friends at the time decided to call up to me saying "Do a flip!" and I pictured myself doing it. Let's just say I stopped talking to him after that.