My Life With Mental Illnesses TRIGGER WARNING

After high school

Once I got out of high school I decided to try having relationships with guys instead. This stems from my last female ex using my family while she lived with us for a few months instead of the week to a few weeks it was supposed to be. Me and her are on good terms now. 

My first experience with a guy was admittedly dumb. I decided to have a one-night stand with a guy I had never met. After that I had fwb with another dude who I had met in a psych ward. That got complicated when I ended up having a crush on him. It ended shortly after that. After him, I dated another guy who only wanted me for my body. TW//. The reason I ended that was because the last time we were together he was kissing my neck and I felt like he only wanted me for sex. I was bawling my eyes and he kept going so when he stopped I got out of his car and started to walk to my house (only a mile away from where we were) but he grabbed me from behind and insisted I let him drive me home. The only reason I agreed was because it was dark out. After him I got with someone much worse. TW// TALK OF ABUSE AND S/A. The next guy I dated was awesome at first. Then when I went to stay at his house for the first time (51 miles away from my house) he decided to slap my thighs so hard he left welts. Another time we were rough housing and he kneed me in my teeth so hard my gums began to bleed, he barely cared about it. But yet, I still stayed. DETAILED S/A. Then one time we were showering together and he asked me if he could eat my ass and I said no, he decided that meant yes and I just took it. I didn't know what to do. Yet again I stayed. I never even pressed charges, I figured there would be no evidence. END S/A. At one point he wanted me to help him put new shocks on his car and I did. After the shock was on he was checking other stuff out and still wanted me with him so I sat watching him. Well that night I got 60 bug bites. From head to toe. That night I was so itchy I began to cry and woke him up and he got upset because he had to get me stuff to treat them. The next day we went to the beach and the salt water made the itch go away. It was so nice. Then he made me build sand castles with him and he decided it would be funny to rub dirt on me and that made the itching worse again. A few weeks later we went back to the beach and I thankfully didn't have the bug bites anymore but we found tar and he rubbed it on me and it got stuck and stayed there the whole day. When we got back to his house he had to scrub my shoulder and he had the nerve to be mad when I was upset that it hurt. Another time we went to the beach he saw a really tan girl and asked me why I wasn't as tan as she was. The reason I left him was when I was at work he had driven up to the mountains and didn't tell me so I called him on my break (we always did that) and he didn't answer so I had a panic attack and called his mom (I called him like 7 times). She didn't know where he was either so I started to wonder if he crashed somewhere and died. Now you may be thinking 'thats a dumb reason to break up' but this was the last thing because he had been doing the same things my dad would do when he cheated. END TALK OF ABUSE AND S/A

I am now in a healthy relationship and dont have to worry about being treated like that ever again <3