Avoiding the Spotlight

XI

Knock

Knock

"Honey! Can you please open the door for me?" You heard your mother shout from the other room, busy packing clothes.

"Sure." You responded calmly, standing up from the couch and heading to the door.

Opening the door, you are faced with an anxious looking Shindo.

"(Y/n)!" He immediately engulfed you in an embrace, making you stumble a bit.

You were taken aback by his sudden appearance, you didn't think he would visit so suddenly since he would always call to inform you of his visit after chatting over the phone. Realizing that he might find out you were moving, you began to feel nervous.

"Yo-kun," You gently pried him off of you. "Why did you suddenly visit? You usually call first." You smiled a bit, concealing your nervousness.

"I had a nightmare, (Y/n). It was about you leaving all of a sudden without me knowing.. it felt so real that it made me scared. There was also this voice that kept on telling me that you're leaving me forever." Shindo looked at you tired and afraid. "Just thinking about the voice gives me a headache I don't know why..." Shindo looked down to see his hands trembling a bit.

You were shocked, and your nervousness only tripled. Still, your calm facade remained.

'Voice.. tsk... must be that damn sadist.' You bitterly thought, frowning inwardly.

At this point, you weren't even surprised if that voice was actually him, afterall, he is the cause of your every misfortune. You figured he was probably plotting something, again.

"Really? You should stop thinking about it then, you look awful. Did you get enough sleep?" You winced, looking at him up and down.

Shindo's cheeks visibly reddened due to embarrassment. How could he be so careless, maybe he should've been more mindful of his appearance before he came over. But he was too preoccupied thinking about his nightmare. It appeared so vividly that he contemplated whether it was just a simple nightmare or if it was really true and he only forgot about such an event.

"S-sorry.. I woke up really early and I couldn't go back to sleep." He looked away, flustered.

You simply rolled your eyes before closing the door behind him and sitting on the couch, Shindo followed and sat a bit too close beside you, making you feel slightly uncomfortable.

"So.. You aren't leaving, are you?" He asked, his blush subsiding.

"Oh come on, you make it sound like it's the end of the world if I leave." You successfully avoided the question, snickering, albeit slightly panicking on the inside.

Well... you're not wrong.. it might sound exaggerating but his world would truly end if you left. Of course, he would prevent that from ever happening.

"I can't help it, you know you're my only true friend." He smiled through gritted teeth. He hated calling you his friend, he wanted to call you as something more than just a mere friend.

Your eyes softened for a brief moment before you felt guilt settle on the pit of your stomach.

Looking at him now, you felt.. lonely. The thought of not seeing him again, not seeing him smile at you again.. made you feel a heavy weight on your shoulders. Especially, when you know you shouldn't even be his friend, no matter how much you wanted to remain his friend, you couldn't.

Under such circumstances where a being can manipulate everything-aside from you-into going the way he wants it to... you weren't even sure if he was genuinely interested or if he was just another pawn of that devil just to make things more "interesting".

Was he truly your friend... or was he just being manipulated?

Still. You couldn't deny the fondness you had for him. You cherished him deeply. And you would surely miss his optimism that contrasted your pessimism.

And especially his smile.

His smile was so bright, so genuine, and so full of innocence.

It was one of the things you loved and envied.

Ever since you were chosen to be born in this world, chosen to be his source of entertainment.. you forgot how it was like to smile without feeling nothing.

Sure, you knew how to smile but can you really call it a smile if it had no feeling behind it?

It's not like you were depressed or anything, you were just tired of being used like a toy, like an object with no purpose other than satisfying him just because he felt bored.

No matter how much you refused to believe it... that is what you are, atleast to him. Nothing more, nothing less.

That was the very reason why you were reborned here afterall..

"To be given another chance." His a*s.

You were given another chance, yes, but in exchange of your freedom.

He wasn't the only one to blame though... you agreed without thinking about the consequences.

You were foolish. But how could you have resisted such a deal? You were lonely in that nowhere.

There was no one, nothing.

Only darkness accompanied you.

You felt trapped in there with nowhere else to go. Anywhere you went, it was always dark, it was always the same. You felt like you were walking in circles.

It was terrifying.

You had no one, you were alone, left to be by yourself in darkness.

It was there where you learned being alone is more painful than any punishment given.

Being alone and being left alone.. it's painful.

Any blade or bullet could never compare to that same level of pain.

And although it hurts to know that you're only being used.. you regretted nothing.

Even if you were to go back in time, you would still do the same all over again without hesitation even when you've already forgotten how to be happy.

Feeling your eyes and nose start to sting, you turned your head away.

"Hm." You hummed in reply.

"Oh! Shindo‐kun, your mother just called me to tell you that she wants you to go back home." Your mother came to the living room, holding her phone in her hand.

"Oh, I'll be going then, Kadowaki-san. Thank you for telling me." Although Shindo wanted to stay longer, he had to go since his mother might scold him till his ears fall off.

"Bye, (Y/n)!" Shindo said with a smile on his face.

"...Bye, Yo."

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