THANK YOU // DEX ✔️

19.

In the morning, Siyoung woke up in bed alone. Her phone showed that it was ten o'clock. She was glad that she only had one photoshoot planned for the evening today, as Namgil would have been angry at her otherwise, and so would StarShip. She didn't know how she would explain to everyone that she had skipped an important filming session. Luckily, she didn't have to worry about that—she hoped to leave Jinyoung's place by the evening.

Before getting out of bed, everything that happened the previous evening came rushing back to her. She had encountered Seojun. He stirred up emotions within her that she thought she had buried deep in her mind, but perhaps she was mistaken. Seojun told her to return to him, that he would find her because he knew where to find her. Because of Seojun, she had moved six times in the past two years. She didn't want to move again. She liked the apartment she was living in now and didn't want to give it up. Jinyoung saw Seojun. He didn't ask anything and helped her get as far away from him as possible. He let her spend the night at his place. But what surprised her the most about the whole yesterday was that she let him hug her. And she even fell asleep in his embrace. After that nightmare, she hadn't expected to sleep, but she did, and fairly quickly. Not to mention the kiss on her hair, which she felt like she could still sense now.

All of this stirred up emotions she didn't want to feel anymore. She had promised herself that she would never feel those emotions again. She knew what happened the last time she felt these emotions. She didn't know if she wanted to feel them now. But maybe there was no turning back.

"You're up already," Jinyoung appeared in the doorway, a smile on his face.

"I smell something good," Siyoung said as she stood up and walked out of the room with Jinyoung. There was meat, rice, kimchi, and perilla leaves on the table. It looked really good. "I didn't know Dex could cook," Siyoung teased him while she settled into one of the chairs. Jinyoung sat down across from her.

"There's still a lot you don't know about me," he said, "and now, be quiet and eat, or it will get cold, and you wouldn't want to eat cold meat and cold rice, right?" So, they ate. In silence, but definitely not the awkward silence that often lingers between people after something similar to what happened to Siyoung yesterday. On the contrary, it was a very pleasant silence between them, one they both enjoyed in each other's presence.

---

"I probably owe you an explanation," Siyoung began as they cleared the table and sat back down on the chairs.

"If you don't want to, if you're not ready, you don't have to tell me," Jinyoung smiled. He was trying to reassure the singer—perhaps he could hear sadness in her voice. It often appeared when she talked about Seojun. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"I want to tell you," Siyoung tried to smile, "you deserve to know."

Jinyoung nodded and waited for Siyoung to be ready. He didn't rush her. He didn't care how quickly she spoke. Even if he had to sit here in silence for two hours before the singer finally spoke, he would wait. He understood that some things are hard to say, so he was patient. Some things just can't be said, no matter how much you want to.

"Seojun, the guy you saw in front of the gym, is my ex-boyfriend," she began. Jinyoung sat and listened attentively. "We dated from 2015 to 2021. I broke up with him when COVID started, after I slowly realized that I wouldn't be able to be locked in the same apartment with him. To put it into context for you, besides Jiwon, no one knows this story. Not even StarShip. StarShip doesn't even know I've ever been in a relationship. Whole relationship started nicely. We met at the gym, he invited me to dinner, and everything was going beautifully. He was kind and interested in me. We started dating quite soon, about two weeks after we met. We spent a lot of time together. The first thing that was wrong about him was that he didn't want me to be a singer. He hated it when I was in the studio preparing for my debut. But my life is not controlled by him, and I debuted despite his disapproval. The first two years were great, but then he decided to become a bodybuilder and started taking some pills that messed him up completely. I don't know how much you follow me or for how long, but from 2017 to sometime in 2019, I wore heavy makeup and had concepts where I had band-aids on my face as part of the costume. It wasn't because I wanted to, but because I had to. He started hitting me and emotionally blackmailing me. He manipulated me to the point where I thought I was the mistake. That everything was my fault, and that I was the bad one," Siyoung felt tears streaming down her face. She let them flow. "In 2019, he realized that if he kept hitting my face, it would start looking odd to the fans and StarShip. So he switched to my body. Often, it was my stomach that took the punches, so I couldn't wear crop tops, even though I really wanted to. I broke up with him in 2021 because Jiwon opened my eyes. But it didn't end there. Since 2021, I've been avoiding guys and hating having to go to various shows with guys. But StarShip didn't know about that relationship, so it also didn't know about my trauma. I've also moved six times since 2021 because he always found me and waited for me at the entrance."

Jinyoung wasn't sure if Siyoung had finished, but despite that, he stood up when she fell silent, moved behind her, and hugged her tightly. Under his touch, the singer crumbled. She cried openly, letting out all the emotions she had held inside for years.

"You must have had it really hard," Jinyoung stroked her hair, "but now you have me. I'll protect you. I won't let that idiot hurt you."

"Don't stoop to his level, please. Don't seek him out just to fight him."

"I promise," Jinyoung didn't want to agree with that, but since Siyoung asked him, he consented. If she didn't want it, he wouldn't do it. "Can I ask?"

"Go ahead."

"Do you still have that trauma? Are you still afraid to let guys get close to you?"

"Why? Do you want to know if you have a chance?" Siyoung laughed. Jinyoung smiled, because the old Siyoung was finally back. The cheerful one who made jokes about everything.

"No, I want to know if you're afraid of your feelings because of some idiot. Don't let him win. He doesn't deserve to live a life full of happiness while you suffer and have trouble opening up to someone. That's why I want to know. Are you afraid of loving and being loved?"

"I'm not afraid, I just feel like I don't deserve it," she answered.

"Siyoung," Jinyoung knelt in front of Siyoung so he could look into her eyes, "everyone deserves love. Everyone."